by Max Barry

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by The pharcyde. . 53 reads.

Boris Kuznetsov


Boris Nikolayevich Kuznetsov (Russian: Борис Николаевич Кузнецов; born 18 Aug 2018) is a unicorn participating in Rejectmas 2019's [i]Unicorn Jousting[/i] Competition. Born to two Kakhovka Hydroelectric Power Plant employees, Boris showed prodigious talent in math and science at two-weeks old. Several days after his first birthday, he was improbably offered a management role at the struggling Tevlet Glue Factory, which had just failed to meet its production quotas for a fourth straight quarter. Boris' leadership at the factory resulted in a stunning production turnaround.

The factory narrowly avoided a much-feared reorganization thanks to Boris' stewardship. What drove Tevlet's turnaround is a mystery to everyone but Boris. At the end of the factory's miracle quarter, he was caught sipping a vodka flask near an incinerator. Supervisors immediately relieved Boris of managerial responsibilities and voided his contract. Afterwards, Boris briefly worked at a small shop specializing in sealants. His entry-level salary and mounting gambling debt caused him to enroll for Rejectmas 2019's Unicorn Jousting competition. "If I win, I'll have a reason to drink," Boris opined, "but if I lose, I'll have an even better reason to drink. It's a win-win. And if it's a win-win, I should drink twice as much."

Members of Boris' immediate and extended family mysteriously disappeared during the week beginning October 13, 2019.

The pharcyde