by Max Barry

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by The Questionable Existence of Your Imaginary Friend. . 157 reads.

The Lazarene Gazette Nov. 2019 | spoiler alert: it's very clickbait-y

Issue 9 November 2019
Contents: Speaker Logs On CPR Love Letter Shareholder Comic


McChimp interviewed by Imaginary

hai hov are you

I am doing alright
am oke
good good
do you conzider yourzelf evil?
vhy not?
I'm not sure I believe in evil
I guezz that vorkz :P
vhat do you think about nationztatez
I think it's pretty neat
it's nice having a political game that's actually kind of about interpersonal stuff
completely by accident
is this the interview btw? just to be clear lol
dependz on hov interezting the thingz you zay are u.u
I will try very hard to be interesting
do my bestest and all
okay tell me a little about yourzelf >:P
as a player, I guess
no mcchimp, vhat highzchool did you go to and vere you really the beztezt in your mathz clazz or vaz that a lie :I
I don't think I've ever pretended to be the best in my maths class
that would definitely have been a lie
x) Anyvay, aren't you like a retired raider perzon turned legaleze lover..
There's a bit more to it than that

I don't know where my main was originally founded, but I quickly moved to a leftist region called Das Kommune. It was all very serious and I was quite young, but the people there were all interesting characters. Eventually the place got tag raided by libertarians/conservatives and fell apart, so I ended up moving to another leftist region. The people there were even more serious and eventually I was put off their ideals altogether and moved to a conservative region instead. Looking back on it, I think I lost a lot of interest in real-life politics then and am probably better off for it.
Eventually I was made minister of defence of the region I'd landed in and our president asked me to check out the black hawks-who he thought were a threat-so I moved into their discord server and joined up. It quickly became clear that they had no interest in us but I stuck around because I'd enjoyed raiding and the community there was great-I'd never been in a region with a discord server before. My raiding career was never really all that much, though there were a few highlights: leading my first tag raid, triggering the raid on Azhukali, small things like that.
I learnt a lot about NSGP in TBH and it made me want to join a GCR. Reading about the Lazarene civil war, it seemed like a good opportunity to join one that wasn't already well-established so I joined the Khanate and later on what became the Corporation. I didn't get to participate in the con-con, but in the end that didn't matter since that went nowhere anyway. I got involved with the Assembly, amending the new constitution, and I was appointed as Cormac's deputy because of that. Eventually he retired and I took his place, leading us pretty much up to where we are today, with me making legislation for Lazarus like our latest democratic reform amendment!

god there's a lot of that D:

yea McChimp zhame on you for vord-blocking! :c
and now I shall reveal
...zo az our longezt zerving Zpeaker, a pozition concerned vith the organization and motioning and voting on of legal documentz... vhat do you conzider the mozt exciting part of the job?
It's always nice when people ask me about legislation they're going to propose. Whether it's about the formatting or the content, it's good to know that people value my opinion that much. It's definitely a lot more exciting than starting and closing threads.
oh i vaz guezzing it vaz the part vhere you minutely change the language of legizlation to fit your deep dark agenda.. :P zadnezz
oh well
you know, over the course of my speakership I've slowly changed the whole Mandate word by word to recognise me as foreverking
a quiet edit here and there
lol! oke i gotta go help my mum vith dinner zo if you vant to zay anything elze, zay it nov and then ur dizmizzed and ill zay thank you for the interviev McChimp! but not to you juzt like zecretly later in print
hahah, no worries
maybe about vhat you'd like to zee the region becoming that it izna already or zmthn idk
feels like my answers were all pretty short apart from that first one
maybe you could get biographies like that from a few more players
I'd like to see this democracy stuff work out for once. I think it really suits Lazarus and it'd be great to see it last.
thank you for the interviev McChimp!

About the Interviewee:

McChimp (Custadia) serves as the second Speaker of LazCorp's Shareholder Assembly. He actively participates in crafting legislation, is a member of the Lazarene Regional Guard and frequently roleplays on the message board.

On First Aid and Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR)
written by Leonism

Dear NationStates player,
Did you ever have to perform CPR? No? Do you know what to do in the event a family member suddenly collapses before your eyes, at home? Imagine you're walking through your town, waiting at the bus stop, sitting in the break room of your school/university/workplace and suddenly see someone clutching their chest and falling over. Now what?
  • The first thing to do is: Check your surroundings! You don't help anyone if you rush across the street to help, only to be hit by a bus and thus adding another casualty for the local emergency services to deal with! Make sure it is safe to go to the person that needs help. If it is NOT safe for you to go help, call your local emergency services NOW (see below).

  • Once you did Do not hesitate!. If you are even considering having to help someone, you probably should do it. Are there other people around who might help? Don't let that discourage you! The more people at the scene, the more likely nobody will do anything, with everyone expecting somebody else to rush to help. Do not be one of them, just go and help. If more people come to help, all the better, you might need them.

  • Now you are standing beside the collapsed person. Kneel down and talk to them. Don't be shy. Say loud and clear: "Hello! Are you alright?" If they don't respond immediately, grab their shoulders and shake firmly. Still no response?

  • Check for breathing! Hold your head over the collapsed person's face, looking towards their chest. Do you hear any sound of breathing. Does the chest rise and fall as it should with a person breathing normally?

  • Lift the chin of the person to open their airway.

  • Do they breath properly now? If this helped, Linkyou should put the person into the recovery position and call emergency medical services now.

Emergency Service phone numbers
The number to call in case of an emergency differs around the world. You might get connected to the police or fire services first, but they will forward your call as necessary.
  • All EU countries use 112 as per an EU directive, sometimes in addition to own, older numbers.

  • In Great Britain the number is 999 (112 also works).

  • In the USA and Canada, it is 911, which also works in many other Caribbean and Central American nations.

Other numbers are in use around the world. Know the number(s) for your own region!. Wikipedia has a comprehensive list:

Take a deep breath and tell the emergency service dispatcher what is going on. Make sure to tell them

  • What happened. E.g. "I saw someone collapsing and now they're unresponsive but still breathing".

  • Where exactly you are (street name and number if possible, or give directions in relation to significant places, e.g. "just outside the XY shopping centre")

  • How many people are affected (if there is more than one)

  • How to call you back. Give them your phone number in case they need to call you back, which may be necessary in case the ambulance cannot find you, for example.

DO NOT HANG UP! Typically, the dispatcher will ask you further questions. Depending on your location and the situation, they may even give you further instructions. Only hang up when told to!

Stay with the unresponsive person until help arrives. If you are not the only person at the scene, instruct others to show the emergency services the way, especially if your location is not easily visible from the nearest street. Keep checking for breathing regularly.

If the person is NOT breathing (any more):

You have to start cardiopulmonary resuscitation now!

  • Turn the person on their back if they aren't already lying on their back. The surface should be flat and firm (if someone collapsed in their bed/on a sofa, you might have to move them to the floor)

  • Place your hands on the centre of the chest

  • Deliver 30 chest compressions, by pressing firmly for at least 5 cm (2") but no more than 6 cm deep. Let the chest recoil fully after each compression and repeat.

  • You should be doing this at a frequency of about 100 to 120 per minute. Famously, LinkStayin' Alive by the Bee Gees has both the perfect rhythm and title to perform CPR to, if you were wondering how fast 100-120 bpm is

  • If you are alone in delivering CPR, you should continue chest compressions until emergency services arrive (no need to count to 30).

  • If there are more people able to help, call them to assist you. You should optimally combine chest compressions with ventilations:

Ventilations: Mouth to mouth
The body of a person in cardiac arrest needs oxygen. By delivering chest compressions, you make sure the remaining oxygen in the person's blood reaches the critical organs most susceptible to lack of oxygen. Notably, the brain will receive permanent damage after only 5 minutes without oxygen, which is why first aid CPR is so important.

At some point, the remaining oxygen will be used up. This is why, if possible, you should also deliver ventilations and not just chest compressions. This will require giving mouth to mouth.

  • Seal your lips around the mouth

  • Blow steadily until the chest rises

  • Give next breath when the chest falls

Do this 2 times after delivering 30 chest compressions, then restart compressions immediately. Maintain this 30:2 ratio until emergency services arrive!
If you have other people at hand to help you, split up so that one of you delivers chest compressions and the other delivers ventilations. Keep the time when you're not delivering chest compressions as short as possible (the so-called "no-flow time") for optimal results.

If you are afraid of giving mouth to mouth due to the (extremely low) risk of infectious disease, consider buying a LinkCPR Key, a single use mask with a filter to use for CPR.

  • If you are at a public place, chances are there is an Automated External Defibrillator (AED) nearby. Look out for signs like this
    or this .

  • Get someone else to fetch the nearest AED. Do not interrupt CPR for this! Once an AED has arrived, follow the instructions given with the device.

Ultimately, no matter how good emergency services are in your country, the unresponsive person depends on YOU to begin treatment, or they will with great likelihood suffer at least permanent brain damage in case of cardiac arrest.

As a professional provider of Advanced Life Support, I cannot stress this enough: We need YOU to call us and begin initial treatment! The brain has 5 minutes of oxygen reserve. Once the heart stops, the clock begins ticking. Even if you call us 1 minute after somebody suffered cardiac arrest (which is fast and quite good!) this gives us only 4 more minutes to get to our vehicle, drive to the scene and begin treatment ourselves. In many cases, we will inadvertently need more than these four minutes due to distances and traffic alone.

While I commend you for reading this article up to this point, I also strongly recommend you to take a First Aid course. This will show you how it's done and give you the confidence needed to act when necessary. Courses open to the general public are offered by a wide variety of providers; make sure the course follows the guidelines set by your local resuscitation council (e.g. ERC in Europe, AHA in the USA).

LinkHere is a neat poster summary of what I wrote in this dispatch, provided by the European Resuscitation Council (ERC):

LinkAnd here's an instructional YouTube video by the ERC.

I sincerely hope this has motivated you to get to know more about this important topic and act when necessary.
For more information, please visit the websites of the international resuscitation councils, such as

About the Author:

Leonism is an avid roleplayer whose talents one can often see in action on the message board. He serves as Deputy Director of Internal Management, as a member of the Regional Guard and is the creator of LazWorld, the region's MineCraft server.

In real-life, the author is also a resident anaesthesiologist and board-certified emergency physician in Germany.

Why Mzeusia is the Best Thing to Ever Happen to Lazarus
from Imaginary

Do you disagree? The title of this article might seem a bit exaggerated; after all, surely in the long history of Lazarus there have been cooler and more influential people than Mzeusia, right? Well... Maybe.

Mzeusia joined Lazarus just over 200 days ago, and while they may not have spent a lot of time here yet, I do think their presence so far has in many ways exemplified the things that make Lazarus, or any neat region, shine. What's so special about what they do? Let me tell you about it!

♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Welcoming and Friendly
-Greets new nations
"Welcome! Make yourself at home. How are you?"

-Neighborly to others
"Hey guys. I hope things are good."

Helpful and Enterprising
-Participates in what's going on

"So cool! I've been wanting to write a poem about a certain something for a few days, and now I have my excuse."

-Creates opportunities for the community to do stuff together
"So, I've whipped up a quick dispatch to store all your writing. I'll make it look prettier soon, but it will work for now. Whenever you have written your piece, just TG it to me or quote me on the RMB with it, and I'll add it. I can't wait to see what you all come up with!
Any questions, just ask.

How the Lazarene Nations were Born"

Amusing and Creative
-Sense of humor

-Puts unique twists on everything

"The issues make my leader look stupid. It's like he's paralysed, and a nurse comes round to offer him some food. He has three options of food, and he blinks once to decline, and twice to accept. If he doesn't like the food, tough luck. He can't express what he actually wants to eat. To make matters worse, the hospital food is your typical hospital food, so whatever he picks, he'll regret eating it soon enough.

I know issue authors can't write every single answer to a problem, but I just end up dismissing most of them. That must be done with three blinks."

Sensible and Steady
-Treats trolls respectfully, like people who could perhaps improve themselves

"I think you should stop posting purposefully indefensible stuff that's only meant to get a reaction. It isn't helping anyone, not even yourself."

-Refrains from insulting others
"{silence in which Mzeusia is judging us but not saying anything - like that one time the RP Ball vas a super flop at the end but no one got mad ;-;}"

♥️ ♥️ ♥️

These traits that Mzeusia (among others) displays are the backbone of what makes Lazarus amazing. After all, what kind of place would a region be if there were no Mzeusia-ish action?

If newly returned nations were left cold-shouldered on the message board, their queries unanswered; if no one organized things or cooperated with others; if every post were the same bland repeat of a cardboard theme that could never raise the corners of a reader's mouth into a smile; if every troll were treated to a round of raised voices -- I certainly don't think I'd be interested in being part of such a region.

So thank you Mzeusia, and all you others, who through your kindness and composure, your efforts and wits, have created the Lazarus we are proud to call home.


About the Author:

Your Imaginary Friend is passionate about developing Lazarus into a beautiful and enjoyable place for those returning to the game to get restarted in. The founder of Laz OS currently holds the position of Director of Internal Management, serves as an ambassador abroad and is an officer in the Regional Guard.

drawn by Imaginary

♥️ ♥️ ♥️

Editor's Note: Thanks for reading the Gazette! If you liked it, please scroll up and give the dispatch an up vote. ^-^ If you didn't, please let us know why here and we'll try to do better next time!

Until then:P