by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

2

DispatchAccountOther

by The Supine Socialist Slothland of Maowi. . 6 reads.

The October Revolution

Josef Slothlin
Josef Slothlin

.

Summary of events of the October 7 Revolution:

00:07 - Group of ~1300 sloths dressed in red, led by Josef Slothlin, stealthily breaks into the headquarters of the Council of the Bouncy Slothland of Maowi

00:44 - Revolutionaries, having crammed themselves into the debate chamber, pile on top of each other, blocking up the chamber, and promptly fall asleep

08:30 - Members of the Council start to come in for the first meeting of the day and find themselves entirely incapable of removing the Revolutionaries

11:28 - The Maowese Fire Brigade arrive and try in vain, with help from employees at the local bank, to shift the sleeping Revolutionaries

16:55 - After several hours of futile efforts, backed up by an ever-increasing potpourri of Maowese, the Fire Brigade give up. The Revolution is successful

23:41 - Revolutionaries begin to awaken

October 9, 2019, Bradypus City

Greetings, citizens of Maowi, friends, comrades!

It is an overwhelming sensation of pure joy that I feel greeting you from this, my seat in what used to house the Council of the Bouncy Slothland of Maowi. a very comfy seat, yes ... I look forward to many a pleasant nap here ... ahem. No, you were not supposed to take that down, Igor! [expletives deleted] Anyway; I thank you all for placing such huge trust in me, allowing me to spearhead the Revolution, seize power from the filthy bourgeoisie, and now, to lead Maowi into a new period of freedom, equality, and joy.

As I write, my virtuous comrades are working to implement widespread reforms, reforms to lift up the poor and strip the upper classes of their undeserved wealth. We ask that you have patience and hope as we enact these reforms with the languor that is so dear to us, the Supine Socialist Slothland. After all, I refer you to our Republic's most wise of mottos: Lethargy, Languor, Laziness! Strive to achieve these noble characteristics, and the Revolution will have reached true success.

Yours, wishing you all the best in the glorious new era,

Josef Slothlin

RawReport