1
Dispatch → Account → Other
by 
The Kingdom of Asgareth.
.
24 reads.
May 2019 Expansion
Your friendly government controlled newspaper
Page 4-5: The Big Freeze: Temperatures continue to plummet across Asgareth – State of Emergency Declared; All Peasants to be Sacrificed to Appease the Imperiali.
Page 11-16: Ground Force – “Please stop sending your love to the front, and start sending guns!”
Page 21-23: Imperiali continues to deny rumours of ill-health. He is as “As healthy as a dodo”.
The 18th Ground Force, under General Asquia O’Pakca, moved further inland, seeking further lands from which internment camps will be set up. Prisoners of war from both the Rusinan and Archonian conflicts will be sent here, to ensure escapees cannot make it back to their homelands. The camps will be the best prisoner of war camps in the world, the government say, with a guaranteed 3 nutritious meals and pints a day, internet access and a once-monthly visit to the seaside. The land will also provide further residential space for the native Vuri, and also provide further military bases for our forces in Archon.
The Imperiali's spokesman has announced that as part of the wedding celebrations, which are still ongoing his son, Axic, and soon-to-be wife Iona de Guise, will become the Lord and Lady of the Northern Archonan Mainland. All Archonians will be expected to pay homage to them, and failure to do so will likely result in the Asgarthian womens hockey team boycotting matches in the hostile nation. As Lord and Lady, they will be charged with ensuring the territory remains defended against hostile nations, whilst also being expected to maintain law and order in the territory. In the same announcement, the Imperiali's spokesman that Axic has been given an honourary generalship, and will now bear the title Lord Axic Ross, General of the Archoni.
Meanwhile, the enemies of the state continue to publish vicious rumours and lies about the Imperiali’s health. The Imperiali could not meet with us as he was previously engaged in a meeting with the king of ubethesdyinstan, but in his place his spokesperson was swift to reassure the public the Imperiali is in good health. Indeed, pages 21-23 cover the full speech, and the editor of this fine newspaper encourages all readers to examine it carefully – for it will come in handy with the crossword on page 64. In other news, the general election will go ahead as planned. Despite the Imperiali dissolving government, he has requested for a public consensus. To that extent he has offered all legal parties, that is to say the A.I.P., the chance to stand for elections. The elections will occur across mainland Asgareth next month. It is important to note that the overseas territories have not been given the right to vote in this election. Whilst those elected will have no say on anything, they will enjoy luxurious salaries of 3 Imperial Stars a year, a company bicycle and a time-share in Prokopios.
