by Max Barry

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by The Unified Electorates of Ainslie. . 57 reads.

Past Two Weeks - 26/2-12/3 | Come join the DeFra... I mean PTW Nation

26 February-12 March Edition

Sup people of the internet, hope you’re having a fan-tast-ic Tuesday, my name’s Ainslie and welcome back to Past Two weeks. It’s been a fortnight since I’ve last posted a bunch of trash memes (thanks for the heads up about my meme quality Suvurnia) and attempted to coherently summarise The Western Isles so you know what that means! But before I begin, just in case you’re new around here, I cover the TWItter thread, the League thread and the News thread. Also, I’d like to acknowledge the person of the internet who have unfortunately (For them) made their way into this publication (for a lack of a less dignified term). That person is Kosania. And on that note, let’s just jump into it.

Into the News

And the first thing I want to talk about today is the News thread. We got ourselves a nice big coronation in Roendavar who's Prince isalready making himself some political enemies. Dignitaries from Ainslie, Balnik, Samudera, Suvurnia, Vibor, Cosie and Athara Magarat all turned up as well as an unnamed prince from Norstham. Ainslie opens up a new regional hospital whilst still talking about cricket. White guy getting all woke/proving his wokeness in Dragao Do Mar whilst the Thuzbek Prime Minister is received as a guest in Brulafi. Another dock worker is killed in Thuzbekistan as a result of a hornet. Arguments that the leader of San Jimenez is a fascist slapped down by the man accused of being a fascist. Every school in Enchanta to be closed for a week for safety reasons as school shootings make a sudden jump in frequency. Athara Magarat lets go its young son who happens to be an Islamic convert sending him out to the wide world - wait nope, they’re trying to shove him off to French Charbagnia. Muslims… french people… watch this space.

Yes i know, I should've written an instead of a but at this point I just can't be bothered to fix it

Whole building burns down in Kosania whilst Athara Magarati businesspeople ironically raise concerns surrounding stability. Regulations on payday loans to increase in Ainslie whilst they still talk about cricket. Magarati media gives us all a history lesson whilst the Wellsian Government intervenes in Kachee. Menna Shuli declares war on San Javier over the latter’s ignorance to the laws of the former. The Keveraite Government steps back and reacts to it all as Castielian media gets angry over the war declaration. Next up, motorsport. Business meets bureaucracy in Almorea as they approve Menna Shuli’s war declaration. The warriors of the Menna land in San Jimenez Javier and secure a beachhead. Thuzbekistan’s Government refers to the Menna as “reckless”, with the socialist state once again taking the less popular side of a dispute. Government body in Blakenham unanimously votes for to enforce the new constitution, paving the way for new elections. Ahnslen green thumbs go abroad whilst the Doraltics (new name for those from Dormill and Stiura) begin scheming in the background surrounding Menna v San Javier.

And on that note, I have obtained the unofficial response from the Vancouvian people to this new conflict.

And in the League

The San Javieran and the Mennan continue to argue in an international forum whilst the Viborian delegate sees the issue quite simply. The Almorean gives the San Javieran a short lecture in conduct in the League. All-seeing Miklania once again confirms their status as such, stating that they could bring in some of their personnel who have been working in Menna Shuli to be interviewed. The San Javieran and the Mennan both strangely agree. Viborian delegate tries to get more facts as to what exactly the Athara Magaratis have been doing about their hornets whilst also closing their ports to Magarati vessels and sending scientists. We get a short biology lesson from Athara Magarat. Suvurnian delegate checks social media before relaying requests to help from his nation.

Now paranoid Mennan delegate gets very concerned about the possibility of these hornets devastating the agricultural industry. The Svalbardian delegate kinda says “meh” to the whole situation, relying on the cold to prevent the spread of hornets. The Viborian, Mennan and Athara Magarati theorise about how they could thwart the hornet thread.

I for one, welcome our new hornet overlords.

Seriously though - please no, don’t make it logical for them to come to Ainslie

Thuzbek Government chimes in saying that the hornets have reached Thuzbekistan - of a similar latitude to Polar Svalbard. Anti-communist Suvurnian tries to keep the whole Thuzbek situation quiet. Miklanian delegate questioned as to when the report they asked for will come. Shortly after, we get the report which checks out more with the Mennan depiction of events than the Javieran one - as long as you don’t get into specifics. Mennan acts dumb to diffuse damning evidence of anti-Javieran violence. The San Javierian deploys the classic “The League is like sooooo biased” defence whilst the Mennan verbally traps the less productive of our two recent visitors to the League.

So basically, this happened:

Svalbardian delegate gives San Javier a classic passive aggressive threat whilst her internal dialogue suggests that their support for the Menna may be wavering a bit. The San Javieran then works out he’ll probably get nowhere so decides to leave. Wellsian delegate makes Wellsia look even more suspicious than normal, with the nation becoming the first to recognise an extremely young republic and a disputed area of the Southern Sea - we’re talking about Kachee here, not Keverai. Suvurnian shows his religious allegiance, pulling out the neo-imperialist card and the “they deserve democracy” defence in an attempt to thwart Wellsia’s plans surrounding Kachee. Wellsian delegate also deploys the latter defence and questions the Athara Magarati if there is an Alaska kinda deal here where they financially profited from offloading Kachee.

The Magarati gets angry at the Wellsian and blames the nation’s government for possibly sparking another war as a result of their intervention in Kachee. The Svalbardian continues to find pleasure from watching the stereotypical Athara Magarati delegate do his thing.

Isabel, the new delegate from Blakenham, naively tells herself that she’s not about to walk into a hybrid of a diplomatic circus and an environment where people’s opinions and concerns get OBLITERATED by IC renditions of Jordan Peterson. Wellsian delegate once again takes the “this is reasonable” approach to a coup before beginning tearing apart another argument which has potential to evolve into an ethnic-based dispute. They then make the mistake of raising the idea that they trust Suvurnia to conduct fair elections abroad. Here’s a fictional parody of Jordan Peterson to better explain the logic:

And in the Tweetesphere

Thuzbek port reveals two people are dead and one in critical condition as a result of hornet killings whilst a Suvurnian raises questions surrounding communist hypocrisy. Blakenham media highlights the removal of a bicameral system in favour of a unicameral system via tweets. Totzkan University Marxist Union does the classic “international corporations are stealing our resources and taking all of the proceeds” whilst a TWItter war is ready to begin with a reply from the same Suvurnian organisation stating that this situation is merely a matter of “basic economics”. Suvurnian government recognises Kachee and French Charbagnia whilst it is confirmed that Blakenham is seeking to get into the Gael Four.

Any and all thoughts about Past Two Weeks, I’d love to hear them. And that’s where we’re going to end today’s past two weeks. If you like this recap, let me know - hit dat upvote button. If you did miss last fortnight’s Past Two Weeks, you can click on the link here to see that - if you want to catch up on everything over the past couple months, just take a look at my dispatch feed which is now spammed by past two weeks iterations. But with that said, as always, my name’s Ainslie, you’ve just been filled in, I love most of yo nations and I’ll see you in a fortnight.

Tagging Vancouvia since he seems to still appreciate these