by Max Barry

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by Gremblonia. . 130 reads.

The Book of Shnoz

Existence has been and always will be. Time is a sphere that can be traversed as any globe. The sphere it is based upon is the Majestic Gremb, the eternal, loving grandfather of all. He is found in all dimensions and He is those dimensions. The universe by His will is static, static within the frame of the 70th dimension, and no others. This is because the 70th is His true form. The number itself has a protruding nose and a round body proving this.

In the beginning of this universe, there was nothing- nothing but the Majestic Gremb's will and his love. His celestial vomit brought forth a mucus membrane which would encase our version of existence, with physics being a natural creation from his gastrointestinal tract. When humans began showing themselves capable of critical thought, the Majestic Gremb bestowed a gift upon two of his vomit's creations.

The first to receive was Manilak, a woman. She shrunk to the Majestic Gremb's liking and slowly changed to a purple-pink hue, like pink and purple combined. Her meager nose grew to an outstanding length and was the first physical Shnoz of its kind in the universe. The Shnoz fused to her forehead and its nostrils widened. The second to recieve was Zamboni, a man. He, too, went through the same changes as Manilak.

"You are now Gremblo" the Majestic Gremb proclaimed to the two," Your very purpose is as follows: to procreate, sweat, and expand to my liking. Procreate for your species, sweat through your work, and expand the lands I own in the minds of other species. The universe will be perfected, perfected when all within it are like us."

And so the two began on their path to fulfill their purpose, starting with procreation. They vibrated uncontrollably until they fused halfway into one body, but two consciousness. Boils began to dot their shared skin and soon the boils fell out, becoming tiny Gremblos covered in mucus, love, and lust for military expansion. The two unfused and for the rest of their lives cared for their new 37 children.

The Majestic Gremblo dropped from the heavens a ball of grease and belly button lint. Within it was a flap of skin with the rules of governance to make sure the new society of 38 Gremblos knew how to live their lives. It stated as follows:
- Do what you wish but in the name of the Majestic
- Work as you wish but in the name of the Majestic
- Love as you wish but in the name of the Majestic
- There is no government apart from the Majestic
- The Tibetan peso is the only currency a Gremblo may have
- Forever stay moistened

With these tenants, Gremblonia was formed, and only through His will, Utopia was achieved. Moisten the Majestic, and you moisten the wheels of eternal Utopia.