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by The Expansionist Democracy of Crazybloxian Empire. . 82 reads.

The Crazybloxian Times | Issue #16

We prefer to use New York Times style here. New York Times style headlines clearly say we use such styles. This issue is released under CC BY-SA 3.0

IMPORTANT: All stories published using Crazybloxian News Department individually from now on.
Woohoo! The Crazybloxian Times is making a comeback!
The Crazybloxian Times ISSUE 16
N-DAY special
As Renegalle Is Destroyed, Crazybloxian Empire Celebrates Their First Victory In The Second Crazybloxian-Renegallean War, Anti-Renegallean Racists Celebrate With Intense Cheer
As nukes on September 28 went into Renegalle’s airspace, the Empire celebrates the first victory since the Second Crazybloxian-Renegallean War commenced on June 17, 2018 which is today an ideological conflict, fought as a cold war. Nuclear launches were attempted in the early hours however were shot down.

Protests broke out with people marching and running, and holding signs while playing games and laughing as the first nukes made their touchdown on Renegalle soil. The protestors asked for the president to fire a much larger arsenal of nukes.

The persistence of the Crazybloxian Empire paid off eventually with the successful nuclear obliteration of Renegalle. This led the president, Crazybloxeha Groetu to proclaim 27th of September as “Renegalle Obliteration Day”, in commemoration of the achievement.

Ritterdorf fired the final nukes as the Dauntless faction targeted Force in huge droves, although the operation was not conducted in a joint fashion, only done together coincidentally.

The proclamation of Renegalle Obliteration Day was featured on the NSindex article about the Third Nuclear Apocalypse, known as N-Day.

Over four pushes were made to nuke, but two of them either had the involved missiles shot down. In the wee hours, over 300 nukes were targeted at Crazybloxian Empire by Renegalle, and in the first, second, third, and fourth push roughly 60-175 nukes were involved.

The Empire also produced very little ammounts of shields and activated various puppets to produce more nukes, resulting in the success of the Fourth Push For The Obliteration Of Renegalle. The first push began with a firing of over thirty nukes, and after the third push, over 200 nukes were targeted and launched, but shot down by members of Uppercut using shields.




Nations of UPPERCUT Enjoy Victory Against Another Ousted Augustin Alliance
After the attempted launch of two nukes at The Tron System by Crazybloxian Empire, the Augustin Alliance mass-fired at UPPERCUT, which failed as the nukes were shot down, but led to significant casualties, most notably the loss of Siwale. Siwale was eventually restored after the end of N-Day.

The Augustin Alliance was mostly obliterated, with most of the faction being destroyed and a significant decrease of incoming nukes was the result, which led to more protection and less danger for the nations of UPPERCUT.

After that, they created a library of N-Day memes, portraying the UPPERCUT victory against AA in the context of an Internet meme and a funny tone.

Soon, the mass-firing by the Augustin Alliance suddenly reversed, this time towards them and being fired by UPPERCUT. Augustin Alliance was nuked to 823rd place by the massive effort of Uppercut members. Stockpiling, producing, targeting, and launching were the norm on N-Day.

Augustin Alliance for a short period of time ranging from one to three hours held first place against Uppercut until the members of the aforementioned Uppercut retaliated firing huge ammounts of missiles.

Uppercut was comprised of several regions, not limited to The North, South, East Pacific and The Pacific. The Augustin Alliance was comprised of also, many regions. The practice of superfactions (i.e factions representing multiple regions). NSindex described it as a counter-offensive.

tinystories

Human error results in nuclear disaster on Kyrusian soil
As Crazybloxian Empire fired nukes on random nations, eight struck Kyrusia, a nation under a faction which had an NAP with Uppercut, due to human error. Procedures to prevent further errors were applied afterwards.

Normal news

Yet More Renegalleans Are Being Caned, Striked To Smithereens With The Cane, Punishment Statistics Show Much More Severe Punishments

More Renegalleans faced the cane in the last three months according to statistics from the government for increasing-frequency offences (i.e very common offences), commited 15 times a second. Yet 263 of these criminals are caught every 12 hours.

Increase in strokes also were seen with a total 36 million strokes taken out on Renegalleans combined in the last two years and were carried out by anti-Renegallean racists chosen for their intense Anti-Renegallean hate.




A set of rattan canes | PM Poon at English Wikipedia

Various home environments have been set up at various areas of the Empire to allow for the intensive caning of many Renegalleans. Sometimes they would be gassed by various people using various types of gas compounds, most commonly sulfur dioxide.

Salt overdoses have also been used for slow deaths as torture becomes the increasingly common choice of punishment and treatmemt of Renegalleans in the Crazybloxian Empire.

Last year, over 52,117 Renegalleans were caned mercilessly for seemingly minor offences in the Empire.

Superglue Applied By Teenagers Found On A Toilet In Restaurant After Usage By Restaurant Patrons
When a restaurant patron went to pee in the toilet, the patron experienced intense pain after standing up from the toilet. The patron had screams until someone heard the situation and what was going on.

A shocking discovery was made in which 12 grams of superglue was discovered, resulting in highly intense pain for the patron. CCTV footage showed 2 teens applying the superglue unto the edges of the toilet seat, causing the pain. The patron was immediately sent to the hospital to recieve treatment for injuries on the skin and various other parts of the body.

The teenagers face was obscured by the masks although store employees gained an eye-witness description as one of them were walking before they wore their masks, and are being traced by the police. Arrest is expected to be imminent within three days of such grievous hurt. This has been classified as grievous hurt by negligent acts.

At the hospital, called Ambblac Hospital, doctors rushed as the patron was put on extreme priority, in which intensive care was needed. Skin was grown and applied on the patron, and the patron is recovering at the hospital. The medical bills reached 23,400SD.

As restaurants begin to increase awareness, inspectors begin to check toilets and scrape off superglue, in an increasing phenomenon with superglue being present at over 300 toilets at one single time.

Superglue stickiness will be reduced, say manufacturers of superglue. It will also take much more effort to introduce a ban on teenagers. The teenagers have been given a Price Increase Order, which will force them to pay higher prices when eating.

Rates of such incidents have been very low, with one incident per 10 million people and a one in 2 billion of being a victim, and 1 in 187 million on April Fools’ Day, which appears to coincide with the founding of Crazybloxian Empire.

The government will also try to restrict sales of superglue to teenagers and only allow selling if they posses a letter of authorization with their parents’ signature, and the intent of buying such superglue by 2049.

Crazybloxian Empire About To Push Mining In The Southern Uninhabited Zone To Extremes
The Empire has been rigourously conducting heavy mining operations in the area south of it’s occupied territory and plans to push it to extremes, adding an output of an additional estimated 7 million kg of ore a day. It is planning to change that.

The construction of a thousand new mines will allow larger numbers of workers and create new jobs, while growing the burgeoning Crazybloxian economy, now at 117 trillion, and expected to hit one quadrillion by 2085, with the utilisation of robots, and humans.

Various mines are present in the southern uninhabited zone, an area which is not occupied by any nation as of now. Around 3,000 mines are present as of now, with extreme mining operations.

New Wheelspin Type 48 trains will be deployed to wheel miners from Crazybloxia to the mines within 3 minutes by 2049 and the bikes will be replaced with elevators, and the mines are expected to begin usage of more sophisticated mining methods, and also more rigorous reclamation. The Empire is also planning to expand hugely and is working to have it’s claim recognized internationally amongst the international community.

The army’s expansion plan points at expanding until they reach the borders of Sutherland which will be reached by an army group. A second army group will form a line and suddenly spill out to expand until the coast is reached, further allowing expansion into the southern uninhabited zone. The armies have been deployed at the borders and soon are expected to spill out into the region, and occupy more land, and also build more cities.

It will also invest 281 billion sliding doors to build more mines and explore other areas for agressive mining operations to occur, with only 7% of the ores extracted. It is also expected to significantly boom the economy of Crazybloxian Empire and soon plans to open a new storefront, and also to establish a near-monopoly in GE&T.

[align=center]Crazybloxian Empire Drops The Sanctions On Libertatis Regalis, Artillery Barrages Ready Off The Coast Of Libertatis Regalis


[align=justify]In a retaliatory measure against Libertatis Regalis in response to a shocking defeat for the Crazybloxians back in the election, artillery boats have been deployed and will be assisted by aircraft that are currently dropping bombs on Reigno. The artillery barrages will consist of 2-minute firing and eventually mass carpet bombing on the beaches of Libertatis Regalis.

Effort will be focused on the most crowded beaches, and coastal cities. This new directive was announced by Crazybloxeha Groetu on October 1 in a speech. Renegalle has had been constantly barraged, and so would it be time for Libertatis Regalis to be barraged, planning to reestablish influence in the region by sending a new puppet, on October 5 at noon, Singapore time.

Casualties will be placed in high priority to intimidate Force. They are expected to be carried out from planes, currently as 200,000 spy drones and 25,182 planes belonging to Crazybloxian Empire reside in Force’s airspace.

The planes and drones, hence the name, spy on planes and military bases of the various nations of Force.
Opinion

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Issue #16 and above are licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0, and all rights reserved for Issue 1-15.

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