As you may know, I am Deerfenland. You may be thinking that you are alone, but believe me, and I swear on my word, you are NOT. Mark my word. Many of people have lost something, and many things...
For example, I lost
What I have lost doesn't compare to what you have lost. I will not try. You have lost so much, and it is starting to take a toll on your well-being. Believe me, I have been in your shoes. However, you have impacted the lives of many people in our beloved region. You have touched the lives of so many. You have been a light to people, myself included. You have shown, when life takes a toll, keep going. There are things that I wish I have done with the loved ones I have lost. I'm really sure that you feel the same way. However, always focus on the memories that you can focus on. The way that you impacted her life. The way that you have loved her. The way that she loved you more than anything.
You were her favorite person in the world. Believe me. She would take a bullet for you. Your mother would want you to pull through. She would risk everything for you. You know why? Because you are her son. Her son that she got to know, and love. She raised a good man. She raised an honest man. She raised someone that didn't take everything she gave for granite. The love that she had for you is unconditional, and do you know what? She still loves you. More than anything. She's an angel now, and she is watching over you. I must tell you. You will pull through. Now is the time that you should be around family, friends, and counsellors. You need them now more than ever.
If there is anything that you should do, you should pray. Pray that your mother is with god. Pray that your mother is alright. Pray that your mother is free from the pain that she had. You know what? Your mother is with god. Your mother is alright. Your mother is in a better place now. Your mother is now free from all pain that she had when dealing with cancer. She still, as I said, loves you. There is nothing that will change that. People are praying for you, and many things are coming for you. As stated by my pastor, "God has everything planned out. He will test you to see if you keep faith. What comes after pain, is love, praise, and a better and happier life." There was nothing you could do to stop your mother from passing. It's a part of life. She left too early, but she is in God's hands now. Now, all you can do is:
-Hang out with family and friends
-Talk to counsellors
-Keep pulling through
God has your life planned out. What comes after this pain, is blessing. You will be blessed. You just need to keep your faith, and feel safe as God's child. You are not alone, and if you need to talk, I am here. No questions, and unconditionally.
This pain that you feel is great enough to make you want to die... I feel your pain. However, you must realize that this pain will go away. It will take awhile, but it will go and it will leave. I pray for you more, but you have a life ahead of you, and you shouldn't throw that away. Your mom will be with you. But, she wants you to pull through this. And even if it is hard, you still got us (Atheenos, The Sanada Clan, me, and more.) Just realize that no matter what, you are still our family.
She lives in you, and she wants you to go further. And further. She wants you to not forget her, take some time and remember her, but DON'T hurt or kill yourself, she wants you to pull through as much as you can. She is here to guide you and to help you keep your head up. As the wise words of Tupac once went, "Keep ya head up."
And now a word from German Holy Roman Empire
He knows that you aren't joking. He does know that you must seek someone for help. Especially a counsellor and a doctor. However, there are others that you must visit. This includes family and friends. Mostly your family will know how to keep your head up. Remember that you can't do this alone because nobody can. Nobody can battle depression alone. You need somebody to keep you up when you feel down. And that is what the North is for. You are more than a 22-year-old German American. You are also a cousin, a TNPer, an uncle, a friend, a brother, a best friend, and most importantly, a family member. You are important to all of us and your family. In TNP, we will do everything to make sure that you remain happy.
Just give your life. Give us. Give everything another shot, and we will make sure it will get better for you. Your life will improve, for pain is temporary and happiness is forever. God has a schedule. It is for when we are born, when happy things happen, when tragedies happen, when casual things happen, and when we are going to die. It isn't your time yet. You still have another 60 years at least. Don't throw it all away.
Remember that what you lost will never compare to what you have gained. Your life is worth so much more than you have given yourself credit for. Just remember that. You have more to live for. You are still young and your life is in front of you and gleaming.
I have stopped my friend from committing suicide, you are next. You are not dying on me. I am a brother, and you won't die on me! You will not die until God tells you that "It is time to move on to the next state of your life." YOU WILL NOT DIE ON ME, MY BROTHER! Just hang in there with me, Atheenos, The Sanada Clan, Queen Yuno, and everyone else who's life you have touched.
Just remember that I have been in your shoes. I have felt the same way you have. Especially after my uncle died. Just remember, we are in this together, and nobody and nothing will stop that. We are brothers until the end of time. Until the sun collapses. Until humanity wipes out. Until God takes us both in. We are both brothers, and nobody and nothing will ever change that.
However, stick through it. Pull through it. At the end of pain is success. Not everyone that loves you is gone. You still have us. You still have your cousins, aunts, uncles? Nothing is over until it is over. Don't cut yourself down. Don't let your father blame you for his sadness and his failures. You still have something in your. You know what that is? Your spirit. You are a brother, and I am never letting you down. I am not giving up on you. You cannot give up now. You have come too far. Don't take the blame for everything. It isn't your fault. None of this pain is your fault. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY here should disagree with that none of his pain is your fault. Mike, you are one of the strongest people I have ever met, and you are more than what you say to yourself.
Hong Kong Empire
German Holy Roman Empire
The Sanada Clan
Nagatar Karumuttu Chettiar
Islands of Washington
Territorio di Nessuno