by Max Barry

Latest Forum Topics

Advertisement

1

DispatchBulletinNews

by The Dictatorship of Shronok. . 112 reads.

The Confederation Coverage Issue #5

The Confederation Coverage Issue #5:

7/5/18

Editor:Naora Natson of Shronok

Hail The Confederation!

The latest news and other random stuff from The Confederation of Corrupt Dictators

This issue features

  • Introduction

  • General News from The Confederation of Corrupt Dictators

  • Random Musings from Naora Natson

  • Sequel to last monthís guest story "Chef" from El Barbon

  • Ask Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery column

  • Interview with Director of the Exchequer Ruudel Zardim from Munda daro

  • And more!

    Introduction to this issue


    Hello and welcome to issue 5 of The Confederation Coverage. Maybe you never left. Anyways there will be stuff in this issue obviously so enjoy!

    As the title says. Basically this is a section that goes through some of the region's news in a quick fire fashion.

    There have been some changes to the Supreme Council of the region. A new position known as the "Secretary of State of the Foreign Office" was added. This position was made to help oversee the Confederation's international dealings. It is also authorized to "speak on behalf of the Imperial Empire on matters including but not exclusively limited to trade and international security". The now previous head of the War Ministry, Alyssia Broussard of Cylain has filled the position. With that Paul Fishers of Kontoga became the new "Minister for War". He was previously serving under Alyssia Broussard as the head of the Bureau of Security. Giovvani Veronati of Serenissima republica de veneto now fills the Bureau of Security position. Otherwise the rest of the council has remained the same.

    Due to recent events within the regional message board the Walter Memmon the Viceroy of the Confederation from Jocospor has announced that he is to be the sole judge of the grammatical content within the posts.

    Apparantly the Sean Connery vs Jar Jar Binks movie was a huge hit and led box offices across the region.

    There was a rebellion in Jelly Stuffed Donuts by a organized group of communists. With the help of several nations the movement was suppressed. The leader of Jelly Stuffed Donuts expressed his gratitude for the help.

    Random Musings from Naora Natson

    Well here are some more musings. So roll the tape.

    Following new legislation in ShrewLlamaLand, on graduation day the hats thrown in the air fly high enough to stun passing pigeons.

    Wow. I don't know if this has something to do with cheese or what. Not only would you have to have the strength to be able to do this you would have to have precision among many other things. Maybe hat throwing could be a fine military technique?

    According to the world census Jocospor fangirls is a "Compulsory Consumerist State". Maybe it is compulsory to by any merchandise related to Jocospor? *Imagines an anime based on Jocospor*

    Disclaimer: I am not an anime freak.

    In Munda daro, children must make a homemade spinach and ricotta rotolo by high school or be held back.

    Well knowing that nation they do take their home cooked meals very seriously...

    In Riakou, the nation's universities are often mistaken for foreign embassies.
    Wait those were universities?:) Seriously though that fact is true as technology is power in Riakou. (Yes I am aware that the previous statement had little to do with the musing.)

    Hope you learned something? More musings next issue!

    Guest Story by El Barbon(Sequel to last issue's guest story from same nation)

    Here is the sequel to last issue's story "Chef" from El Barbon.

    Now the cold rain fell. Chef, away from the spreadsheet, was commuting. The judgmental people were out today. He heard one of them talk about how much they knew about sports, finance, the chronology of all things; that person also discredited many that Chef thought were balanced folk. Chef, not feeling well, trudged on. How was it that in the forest all the trees looked like good trees, but out here, as soon as people were involved, judgment. On the way back to the spreadsheet, wasnít that always where he was going, he noticed the sun was out and the clouds had cleared. He looked across a field, over a parking lot, and his gaze fell on the building where he once lived. What happened to all of them? To me? He wondered. What happened to her? An empty euphoria fell over his mind. Where had time gone? There was nothing to show for it. He took out a cigarette from a soft pack of "commander", struck a match and took a deep drag. Exhaling, he thought: What if nothing continues to happen? Thatís just it, it will.

    Interpret that as you will. Truthfully I find this story somewhat illogical but it is a piece of fiction. Reminder that nations of the world can send an article/editorial or some form of creative writing that may make it into a future issue of The Confederation Coverage. The article should be sent via telegram to Shronok.

    Ask Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery

    "Go ahead and ask your questions. Yeah even you people that have some nutty questions in mind go ahead and ask them" -Sean Connery's clone.

    As promised by the previous issue here is the next installment of Ask Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery, where he answers questions obviously. So here is this monthís installment.

    Anonymous asks,
    What is your workout routine?

    Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery: Well I do a mission. Use a whole bunch of gadgets and do super awesome tricks. Meet a girl on a mission. Proceed to get romantically involved. Then save the day. All in a day's work.

    A scientist from Shronok asks,
    Can you give me some data from your gadgets? We would definitely like to study it.

    Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery: Sure. Just sign here. Oh and all the documents. I will send all 100 of the documents. Just make sure to sign where it tells you to sign and you should be good in the hood.

    Generic person who asks generic questions about relationships asks,
    My fiance wants an August wedding. But I want a September wedding. How should we sort this out?

    Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery: Just choose one dang it! Do I really need to say more? Well I will anyways. Seriously though I would check whether you are actually ready to get married because marriage is quite a commitment. Because it would be a disaster if you didn't get to know your partner then you get a divorce soon after. I would make sure you both are upon mutual agreement for your lives. Personalities often times butt heads. There is a reason I have never been successful as far as long term relationships go. But I am pulling for you.

    A marketing person asks,
    You cool yo. Got any advice on marketing do you?

    Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery: Are you some sort of Yoda/person from the hood hybrid? Well if you use my image your sales will go up. Just give me 38% of the profits.

    There you have it. Remember that anyone can send a question to him and have it answered. You can choose to remain anonymous if you so choose or you can someone from your nation shown as asking the question. If you want to ask a question for the column make sure to telegram Cripes It is a clone of Sean Connery and you may have it answered in a future column. Seriously answering these questions are what keeps him going.:)

    Interview with Director of the Exchequer of the Confederation of Corrupt Dictators Ruudel Zardim from Munda daro

    Here is a interview with Director of the Exchequer of the Confederation of Corrupt Dictators Ruudel Zardim from Munda daro.(Because I felt like repeating that even though the heading pretty much already said that.) It should be noted that there was supposed to be an interview with him last issue but it got delayed. Obviously the Director isn't really new to this position but since most of these questions were answered a little less than a month ago they might still indicate that he is new. This interview will talk about Munda daro's Economical Audit, some personal facts about Ruudel and other things. Anyways here it is. This interview was conducted by me.(Naora Natson)

    Naora Natson:Can you give us a short introduction about yourself?
    Ruudel Zardim:I am Ruudel Zardim, Director of Economic Observation and Progression. I have not held the position long yet but hope to hold it for much longer and bring economic prosperity to the region. Iíve had further history as a highly respected government official within Munda Daro.

    NN:How and why did were you chosen for the Director of the Exchequer?
    RZ:With the reformation of the government after the inactivity of the last Administration the High Assembly were determined to find suitable replacements for those that had failed Munda Daro. I was a clear and easy choice to them as I was serving in the government before as the domestic economic advisor to Arnic Skalden, the previous Director. I served well as you can see from Munda daroís booming economy and was chosen as the replacement for Exchequer Haust.

    NN:How close are you to new Director of Munda daro Ferox Kresrik?
    RZ:Iíd almost consider the new Director and I friends. In dealing with our work he often comes to me for advise on certain matters, seeing my history in the government and I also ask his advice on how to deal with certain regional affairs, as Director I make sure he is aware of most if not all actions I take in the region. Outside of work we often meet to discuss politics and worldly events.

    NN:How well did you know Arnic Skalden, the previous Director of the Exchequer and Munda daro?
    RZ:As I stated previously, I served as an economic advisor to him so I knew him quite well. I had tried multiple times to encourage him to put more effort into his honorable position but he would not listen sadly, he had become too full of himself and seemed to think he was untouchable, I aided the High Assembly in organizing the arrest and capture of him and others who had become lost interest in their positions.

    NN:Were you surprised to see the state of Skalden and others?
    RZ:Yes and No. I was not surprised to see them removed from office or deemed unfit for it though I never would have considered them mentally unstable only lazy, though I do not doubt or question these reports.

    NN:After the period of inactivity Munda daro seems to be back and more relevant than ever, what or who do you attribute this too?
    RZ:Munda Daro, the government, and all its citizens are very ambitious and have always sought power, wealth, and glory. The failings of the previous Administration let down the people of our country and I think I speak for all people of Munda Daro when I say that we want to redeem ourselves in the eyes of the Confederation.

    NN:How is the removal of toxic chemicals from Munda daro going?
    RZ:Quite well. A bit slowly than liked as government renovation always slow things down a bit but up clean up is expected to finish soon.

    NN:The Imperial Audit of Confederation Economic Freedom and Productivity isn't a new idea. But have you added anything to it that wasn't there before? Or maybe changed how you implemented it?
    RZ:The only changes made to the Audit when I took over the department were some small word changes and rephrasing, no major changes were made. Though the previous Director had his shortcomings this was not one of them. It is a very ambitious plan and something he was proud of when making and it is clear why to me. I, like him, believe it will accomplish great things, unlike him however I intend to see them carried out.

    NN:How did it feel to have the Emporer and representatives of Jocospor visit?
    RZ:It was quite humbling and Munda Daro was very honored to host the Representatives of Jocospor and the Emporer. It was unfortunate, however, that Munda Daro had to be seen in the state itís in and not at its full glory and beauty.

    NN:What are some of your favorite foods?
    RZ:As Munda Daroís main connection to the region and in some ways a representative of Munda Daro I pride myself on being acquainting with all of the cultures within the Confederation so I have tried lots of food in my time but so far my favorite food will always be a Daroan home-cooked meal.

    NN:Are you close with your family?
    RZ:With the power that comes with my position I was able to get my parents to nice manor on a beautiful beach, however the drive is a few hours from Pehk and my work keeps too busy to go out and see them though I call when I can. And I have no wife or children, so I neednít worry about staying too busy and distracted in that regard.

    NN:What was your inspiration growing up?
    RZ:I would not say I ever had an one solid inspiration but Iíve always been fascinated by History and inspired by the great Empires of old and their powerful rulers.

    NN:What are some of your favorite pieces of literature?
    RZ:I consider myself an educated man and a great fan of literature so in the free time I do get I read many things, I frequent books of philosophy, economic theory of all types as well as biographies of historical figures of all sorts. Though as much as I do love to absorb knowledge I have always been an enthusiast of stories of fantasy with old kingdoms, empires, magic, beasts, and the like, Iíve always found those fun since I was a young man.

    NN:What is next for you and Munda daro?
    RZ:I will strive to carry out my duties as the Exchequer to the best of my abilities and I believe the current Administration will carry out its duties to serve Munda Daro to the best of its abilities. I'm very hopeful of the nation's current state and believe that it won't let the past repeat itself.

    Song of the Moment.
    Linkhttp://www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/chocolaterain

    I step away from the mic to breathe in.

    Conclusion

    Thanks for reading! See you next issue. Life can be tough. No matter what life throws at you it is best to try to live your life to the fullest. So now I step away from the keyboard to breathe in and wonder how I can improve this "newspaper".

    Brought to you by The Confederation of Corrupt Dictators Overseer of the People Naora Natson from Shronok

The Dictatorship of Shronok

Edited:

RawReport