by Max Barry

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by Techolandia. . 508 reads.

My response to [url=]DON'T READ THIS DISPATCH by [nation]Algerstonia[/nation][/url]

I am responding to this dispatch. My responses are bold.

You are wasting your time by reading this.
You can be doing something much more productive, but instead you read this?
I scrolled through this dispatch before I started to read, and it isn't that long, so I'm not wasting too much time.
Why are you even reading this?
It's the top dispatch in page=dispatches, in front of the WADP Awards and Erinor's final (for his current term) delegate blog.
I mean, this whole thing is pointless. There is nothing interesting in this factbook. Just me constantly telling you to turn back.
I'm sure that it's interesting since it got fifteen upvotes in less than a day, has gotten twenty-six upvotes in less than thirty-six hours, and is now the top dispatch.
If you are still reading this, then shame on you. You are wasting your time! You can be interacting with someone, consuming food or water.
I'm currently not hungry or thirsty.
Instead, you choose to read this dispatch!
Is there a problem with that?
Jeez, you are still reading this. You must be really bored.
Actually, I am finding this dispatch to be interesting.
I advise going to the Bored Button website. Or socialize with someone, via electronics or via face-to-face. Or get work done to pass the time.
I used to go to the Bored Button website, but I got bored of it. Also, I suppose that I am being able to be considered to be interacting via electronics with you right now because I'm typing this to reply to your dispatch.
Okay then. You are still reading this.
Yes; I am.
Just think about all the stuff you could be doing instead of reading this dispatch. You could be ordering a pizza, talking to your family, walking your dog, checking your ex's Instagram, working out. But instead you read this dispatch.
Reading this dispatch will only take a few minutes. It's not like I only have a few minutes left to live or anything.
Okay, you are seriously wasting your time!
Even if I'm wasting time, I'm only wasting a few minutes of it.
The building that I am currently in has smoke detectors. Also, why did you assume that I am being in my house?
Dang, that didn't work.
Jokes about houses burning down aren't funny.
Wait! I hear an EAS broadcast! Oh no, it says to turn off all electronic devices because Cell is happening in the real world!
What's Cell?
*looks it up*
The movie or the book?
Either way, it's currently impossible for a single cell phone signal to completely rewire a human's brain. Also, I'm using a computer, not a phone, to access NationStates.

Ugh! That didn't work either!
I didn't find that funny either. Cell is pretty gruesome.
What if I told you that if you kept reading this, theWhat world will start to end?
I wouldn't believe you.
Well, that's what's going to happen if you do not stop reading this!
I don't believe you.
Ouch. Now, the world is ending because of you. Enjoy your final days.
It's not ending. I'm on it. I would know if it is ending.
Wait. Are you still reading this dispatch!?!?
Please be serious.
Shouldn't you go out and get doomsday supplies, since, you know, the world's going to end?
Firstly, the world isn't going to end. Secondly, even if it is going to end, how would having doomsday supplies make a difference? If the world stops existing and disappears, even if the doomsday supplies and I don't disappear with it, I would still die because I would be in the vacuum of space.
Soooo, go get doomsday supplies. And, you might want to stop reading this dispatch, so you can drive your car to the nearest store with doomsday supplies.
If the world will actually end, there will already be people fighting over supplies in the stores, making not going to any store safer.
You're still reading this, huh. Well, guess what. You are only causing the world to end faster! Thanks to you, humanity will die earlier.
Doesn't everyone who reads your dispatch read that? Your dispatch has been read 274 times. Each person who read it can't be individually responsible.
I still don't believe you.
Come on! You are still reading this!?
Yes; the world isn't actually ending.
Fine. The end of the world thing was just a lie to get you to stop reading this dispatch.
I knew that.
Imagine what your family and friends will think of this. You are reading this dispatch instead of doing something productive. Seriously.
I'm almost done. If you weren't so stubborn when you typed your dispatch, I'd already be interacting with my family and friends.
Just give up.
Are you still reading this!?
I give up.
Oh, dang; the dispatch ended. I guess that I have to stop reading it now because there's nothing left to read. You win.