by Max Barry

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DispatchAccountOther

by Algerstonia. . 953 reads.

DON'T READ THIS DISPATCH

You are wasting your time by reading this.
You can be doing something much more productive, but instead you read this?
Why are you even reading this?
I mean, this whole thing is pointless. There is nothing interesting in this factbook. Just me constantly telling you to turn back.
If you are still reading this, then shame on you. You are wasting your time! You can be interacting with someone, consuming food or water.
Instead, you choose to read this dispatch!
Jeez, you are still reading this. You must be really bored.
I advise going to the Bored Button website. Or socialize with someone, via electronics or via face-to-face. Or get work done to pass the time.
Okay then. You are still reading this.
Just think about all the stuff you could be doing instead of reading this dispatch. You could be ordering a pizza, talking to your family , walking your dog, checking your ex's Instagram, working out. But instead you read this dispatch.
Okay, you are seriously wasting your time!
Oh wait! LOOK! YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE! CALL 911 AND GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
Dang, that didn't work.
Wait! I hear an EAS broadcast! Oh no, it says to turn off all electronic devices, because it has been revealed that electronic devices are slowly gaining access to your brain, and electronic devices are slowly gaining more access to control your brain....
Ugh! That didn't work either!
What if I told you that if you kept reading this, the world will start to end?
Well, that's what's going to happen if you do not stop reading this!
Ouch. Now, the world is ending because of you. Enjoy your final days.
Wait. Are you still reading this dispatch!?!?
Shouldn't you go out and get doomsday supplies, since, you know, the world's going to end?
Soooo, go get doomsday supplies. And, you might want to stop reading this dispatch, so you can drive your car to the nearest store with doomsday supplies.
You're still reading this, huh. Well, guess what. You are only causing the world to end faster! Thanks to you, humanity will die earlier.
...
Come on! You are still reading this!?
Fine. The end of the world thing was just a lie to get you to stop reading this dispatch.
Imagine what your family and friends will think of this. You are reading this dispatch instead of doing something productive. Seriously.
Sigh.
Are you still reading this!?
I give up.
You know what?
I don't care that you are reading this dispatch anymore.
Yeah, that's right. I do not care. Go ahead and keep reading the dispatch. I don't mind.
So, since I don't care anymore...
You might as well stop.
This isn't making me bothered.
Not at all.
No-sir-ree.
Hmmmmm.
Ya know, why are you even reading this? It's not making me bothered anymore.
Grrrrr! Come on. That didn't work either!

Algerstonia

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