by Max Barry

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DispatchFactbookCulture

by Democratic lykna. . 41 reads.

You know you're from Democratic Lykna when ...

You know you're Lyknic when ...

  • you're female. Okay, that's a bit generalised. At least there is a ~30% chance you're not.

  • you speak British English with some very slight African, Asian and Western European impacts.

  • you pronounce Lykna 'lick-nah' but don't mind if someone puts it 'like-nah' (depending which one of the both theories about Lykna's etymology you support)

  • foreigners ask you what culture Lykna has, and you say "Nordic", although English is most likely your native tongue

  • you are most likely bilingual: English and the language of your ancestry. If your ancestry is English, you learn another language just for fun

  • though, you suck at mathematics. Science could be Star Wars tech level without that tiny collective handicap.

  • worshipping any diety seems outdated to you. Though, joining a cult isn't a bad thing in your eyes.

  • you wonder why, unlike Lykna, most former British colonies stuck to LHD instead of switching to RHD

  • you never see anyone working at construction lots and therefore count the results done as "things that just mysteriously spawn in front of you"

  • you identify as a 'proud and keen Democrat' although the very young democracy of Lykna has a bunch of flaws

  • you love your country, with all the trimmings. You would even fight for it 'til the end. No matter if you're rich or poor. Even if your arch-enemy needs your support, you jump in.

  • you don't see any contradiction in oak forests and palm alleys in your area.

  • you have never met your grandfather or any great-uncle, since they all fall in the 1960s War

  • you have at least three guns in your home. You also don't wonder about people even having RPGs.

  • vegetarianism is a concept you don't really understand, or see a point in.

  • any beverage with an alcohol percentage below 5% is a soft drink

  • your leisure often includes hanging out with random people on the street with cheap alcohol and cigarettes. Yes, like hobos. In Lykna, this is called culture, for thunder's sake!

  • you believe that civilised people don't put ice cubes into their brandy.

  • you learn to shoot before kindergarten

  • you only work like six hours a day and still earn minimum 2,000 Kronor a month

  • you find the concept of marriage rather old-fashioned, and it doesn't fit Lykna's freedom-loving culture and messed up demograhy anyways

  • you think, letting loads of immigrants come to Lykna is a good idea to fix the extreme surplus of women. Then you realise that most immigrants are women (often escaping from patriarchal cultures where they got no say), which prevents the process of demographic recovery even more.

  • you don't know what an SJW is, and laugh if someone tries to explain it to you

  • the only moments in your life when you cry are when the Marines Orchestra plays the Funeral March. If you don't cry even then, you'll just stand straight and salute.

  • you hate nothing more than the football club of your neighbouring town (no matter if men's or women's association)

  • horse riding is your life. Not least because most major riding clubs have free minibars.

  • you love horses more than children. Also, if both are your own. You also use the advantage that you can name your horse after the combat vehicle your grandpa drove in the War.

  • you believe that Lykna could have a world-class biathlon team. If there were just any icy mountains to train skiing in.

  • you go to the gym and do muscle building exercises, finding it totally normal to do that as a girl. When you're done, you gather with the others and do liver building exercises.

  • you're totally bugged by all this Horroway/Hess conflict about outdated issues and would just like them to find back to each other (wasn't there something with 'I'd ally with my worst enemy to do something good for this country' and so on?)

  • you brag about how great Lykna is, until you realise you're one of just a few million and wonder why Lykna won't just annex a few surrounding islands .... some of them are real hellholes and could need some liberation anyways. And finally get a few guys into here!

  • you, however, are realistic enough to know that Lykna has different qualities and doesn't necessarily need to be perceived as a world power. But still, it could be a regional power.

  • foreigners regularly annoy you by asking how on earth Lykna could ever become efficient

  • you believe that Santa Clara is a seriously beautiful city. Though you admit that it also has a few less nice parts. Let alone LinkYonderwood Alley ... why the heck does the government use this of all images for the introduction on their website? It makes us look like some commie state (though it's 1960s Western concrete architecture).

  • as a man, you don't have to be selective when searching for a woman. You don't bother their dominance in politics and public, it seems rather logical to you. Though you don't have to fear any oppression.

  • swearing is an adequate form of expression to you

  • you love listening to rock, RnB, embarrassing 1990s Eurodance tunes and psychedelic trance (the last two especially when stoned). Also you grew up with a number of folk music styles influenced by a load of different cultures.

  • you're generally chill and live for the moment. How could you even differently, chaotic as you are.

  • punctuality when meeting acquaintances generally isn't your cup of tea. You just show up 'whenever you're there' and if everyone just shows up whenever they're there, you will always meet them then.

  • you address your audience with "hi there" instead of "ladies and gentlemen"

  • you don't call it 'addiction' but 'passion'. If you wake up in the morning and lose all your 'passions', you know you're dead.

  • you use domestic-produced IT technologies only. Foreign spying on your personal data is uncool, especially if not even your own government does that.

  • you don't even tell your name when the waitor/waitress in a coffee house wants to write it onto your coffee cup, but use a fake name.

  • you know all the myths and sagas that were made up in Lykna by heart since your early childhood. And they always told you the uncensored versions of them, which, generally, would mostly be considered NSFW and would probably scare children of other countries to death.

  • you also know all the sailor's songs that came up here. Again, the uncensored versions.

  • you cringe if someone marinates their food in vinegar. Salt is the solution to anything!

  • you know it's fried seafood and cooked bacon, not the other way round.

  • you look at a world map, search for Lykna, then search for any other place and think, "I don't need geography lessons! I need a miracle!"

Democratic lykna

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