Security Council Resolution # 193
A resolution to recognize outstanding contribution by a nation or region.
Nominee: Separatist Peoples
The Security Council,
Recognizing the General Assembly's often self-deluded agenda of furthering international peace and prosperity, and failing goal of furthering international diplomacy;
Dedicated in its Violet-given right to see the worthiest of nations that have dedicated so much, yet asked for so little in return, forever enshrined in the permanent records of this esteemed council;
Convinced beyond any shadow of doubt that Separatist Peoples has made an explosive impact on the international community, via groundbreaking legislative efforts that not only have saved more lives than could possibly be calculated, but also have quite effectively legislated on the subject of international armed conflict to the point where any sane, reasonable nation can now wage all wars, from full scale conflagrations to teensy brushfire counterinsurgencies, and be sure that not one innocent life will be harmed;
Thus disclosing a small sample of the Separatists numerous legislative efforts, which have been deeply buried under the quagmire of unimaginable corruption and deceit known to many delegations as "the Festering Snakepit":
Rules of Surrender, which guarantees belligerents who have been defeated in armed conflict the right to surrender and not have their people shot on the spot by the victorious nation as a show of ultimate superiority;
Protected Status in Wartime, which not only enshrines that nations cannot dress up soldiers as medical personnel whilst subtly giving them weapons to rain mayhem on unsuspecting enemies gawking at wounded soldiers they just turned into Swiss cheese, but forever guarantees that soldiers whilst engaging in armed conflict shall be forced to wear the actual uniform of their armed forces, no matter how tacky or uncomfortable it may be;
Explosive Remnants of War, which codifies the ceaseless swarms of gnomes springing forth from the ever-expanding labyrinth of WA bureaucracies and sacrificing themselves by traversing minefields left by warring parties to ensure that nations are doing all they can to clean up the landmines they dropped all over the place, thus ensuring nations of the World Assembly they themselves will never be overrun with an overabundance of gnomes, as the Secretariat has yet to figure out how to plug up the spawning pool which keeps pumping them out.
Praising the antics of the one and only Ambassador Benjamin Bell, a wise man who can hear profit in the wind, a man consecrated as the Patron Saint of Bad Decisions by the clientele at the World Assembly Strangers Bar, earning the affection and respect of stripper commandos, sword-wielding maniacs, and lunatics that frequent the joint with bombs strapped to their chests and threaten to blow up the Security Council;
Further entertained by the efforts of Ambassador Bell, with the assistance of talking cars, milquetoast ferrets, violent pacifists, ogre bounty hunters, potted plants, and a very peculiar trash-eating, underwear-sniffing goat, in uncovering and neutralizing an international weapons smuggling operation, culminating in the capture of the perpetrators at the World Assembly Headquarters;
Thus believing without Ambassador Bell, forever immortalized by a stained glass window added during renovations after the infamous methanol incident, many lives would be lost and many drinks in the Strangers Bar would be left undrunk;
Hereby commends the great nation of Separatist Peoples.