by Max Barry

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The Loquacious Lipograms of
Left-wing Utopia

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

1

Minor sporting triumphs


Team Dictine's cycling jersey.

World Ultimate Championship: A team of collegiate all-stars finished tenth, losing their final match to Kura-pelland in the third overtime.

World Championship in Hockey: Zwangzug won, drew, and lost one game in the group stage, winning a playoff over Magnus valerius to advance to the playoffs before losing their quarterfinal to Rejistania.

Tyoduura Classic: Team Dictine participated. Daniel Heglemer was seventh, second among international riders. Mei Kira was the best of four female riders.

Tour of Adihan: Team Dictine participated. All six of its riders finished within the top 23. Also, Will Karowick began his acrimonious relationship with the world of international cycling, and much broomball was discussed.

Battleroom Tournament: The Congressionals finished second in the pool play with an 8-4-3 record before sweeping Undeadzombiee in the playoffs to win the championship.

Southham-Vonghurst Cycling Classic: Teams Mebitron and Nubind competed. Derek Stames was second.

Inter Nation Cycling Championships: Zwangzug's team was third-best overall, and their women second-best. Fortunately for all parties, no badgers threatened the madison competition.

Name

Event

Barney Yusensto
Kenji Akiyama
Ryan Mailer

Track menís team sprint

Orel Palveshdan
Daniel Wehaum
Gavin Lield
Tim Wiser

Track menís team pursuit

Hanna Chikawa

Womenís road race

Allison Sincara

Womenís mountain bike

Eloise Simmons
Susanne Deridoy
Melissa Rockard

Track womenís team sprint

Lily Trecart

Womenís keirin

Emma Keirst
Beth Taylor

Womenís madison

First Winter Paralympics: Zwangzug's team, despite not being all that good, won some medals. Discrepancies between "real" and "calculated" time did absolutely nothing to assuage a population concerned about time dilation, although hardly anyone in the population paid much attention. The Kerlagrad Courier self-censored itself by use of randomly mentioning birds.

Name

Sport

Event

Rebecca Willis-Smanebs

Cross-country skiing

Women's 5 km classical, standing

Team

Wheelchair curling

Brittany Casper-Pierce
(Sandra Billings)

Alpine skiing

Women's Super Combined, visually impaired

Alpine Skiing World Cup: Despite her prosopagnosia, Ariadne Dromm won the women's giant slalom competition (she also won the women's overall competition, but differing if not glitchy signup patterns across countries made this not as great as it sounds). Zwangzug hosted two events, and poorly-drawn Zwangzugian comics were well-received by troubled Virabian skier Mark Wallace and the international community at large.

Ellismare Preliminšra: Teams Nubind, Mebitron, and Dictine competed. Charlie Byrd won the sprinters classification.

I World Games: Athletes from Zwangzug won seven medals and fell short in seven more bronze-medal competitions. One of those fourth-place finishers was the women's version of the Abominable Snowmen (gridiron football team), supplemented with young players more used to short spurts in between marching band performances. It was also the international debut of the national lacrosse teams, both known as the Hive, and overwhelmingly drawn from Spenson with contributions from Belpub.

Name

Sport

Event

Men's team

Tug of war

Menís 680 kg

Sigourney Bralves
Maria Tiand

Raffa

Womenís doubles

Minnie Sulante

Powerlifting

Womenís lightweight

Torim Slybe

Chess boxing

Menís

Lorelei Kira

Chess boxing

Womenís

Noriko Koizumi

Karate

Womenís kumite 53 kg

Water World Championships IV: Though this event was not completed, the Association for the Advancement of Awesome vociferously proclaimed slalom canoeing and kayaking to be awesome.

Name

Sport

Event

Gwenog Caller-Gune

Skiing

Women's Wakeboard

Lydia Scher

Canoeing

Women's C-1 500 m

Nenad Pfelanza

Rowing

Men's Single Sculls

Ronnie Brald-Moth
Vate Jurkmay

Canoeing

Men's K-2 200 m

Dana Bellori
Oswald Censto
Marc Fliz-Sura
Ryan Shoons

Rowing

Men's Quadruple Sculls

Teofila Baetch
Aldona Uenbey

Canoeing

Women's C-2 Slalom

Elara Yushooner

Canoeing

Women's C-1 Slalom

Sira Kovis-Storly

Canoeing

Women's K-1 Slalom

Alison Smavand

Diving

Women's 10 m Platform

Hideki Grovis
Minoru Sheing

Rowing

Men's Lightweight Double Sculls

World Scout Jamboree: Girl Scout Council of Fuender Forest Troop 11 (from the town of Garust, district of Ervimnal) won the B-P Cup as the best overall troop, with Boy Scout Council of Ayrul Ridge Troop 5 (from the town of Ploygei, district of Uncarg) coming in second overall. The final score of the legendary game of ball between the bedbugs and the skeeters was not recorded, though the bedbugs were winning (4-0?) before a home run from their opponents.

Diskapalooza: Garust 3rd
Tug of War: Garust 2nd
Gravity Car: Heiki Aburesla 1st, Jason Spack 2nd
Octothon: Garust 1st
-100m: Daniil Eger 3rd
-Long Jump: Sarah Shermonds 1st
-Shot Put: Tabea Sitz-Leard 1st
-High Jump: Jamie Deld-McKiery 1st, Lindsay Centigo 2nd
-400m: Vadik Maughton 1st
-Pole Vault: Miron McRore 1st
-Javelin Throw: Irene Melsback 3rd

NSCAA Ice Hockey: University of Homler, Pittman University, Zwangzug National University, and College of Twake competed, the latter much to the chagrin of Naomi Travers, Dean of Student Life. ZNU would advance to the overall semifinals before their defeat.

World Tour of Cycling 1: Team Dictine competed, coming in "unofficial fifth" overall. Kerlagrad hosted a criterium, won by Botolv Larsson of team Kuester-Urlaubsonne. Dictine's Nanami Watanabe won the World Tour Championship Time Trial.

Island Tour 2: Team Dictine competed. Watanabe won the opening time-trial stage, and Hunter Campana finished fifth overall.

World Tour of Cycling 2: Team Dictine competed. Amid the usual Blatter social media updates, Zwangzug introduced its new unofficial standings. Campana was third overall.

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