by Max Barry

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The Loquacious Lipograms of
Left-wing Utopia

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2

Education

Education in Zwangzug is overseen by the statewide Department of Education, but run by individual districts.

Education is compulsory through age sixteen, but funded (and, in general, socially expected) longer. Most students are in school September through June, though there are some year-round schools. Almost all schools are in session Monday through Friday. The average school day is seven hours, but with significant variation on either end.

Most districts' public schools consist of elementary (grades 1-5), middle (6-8), and high (9-12) schools; some have 1-8, others have 1-4 and 5-8. There's a significant level of "tracking", grouping students with similar ability together; however, this is done on a subject-by-subject basis and rarely devolves into physically separate schools. (Sometimes, one building hosts two different schools so that students with particular strengths or weaknesses in one particular subject can take classes with more similar peers. A recent survey suggests that in these cases, the "upper schools" are more often lower to the ground!) Since elementary schools are much more holistic, tracking usually doesn't occur until middle school.

Public school curricula emphasize math, science, and languages. Students will generally learn a second language during elementary and middle school, and have the opportunity to learn a third (and sometimes more) as electives during high school. In addition, students whose first or second language is English will generally begin to learn an alternate dialect around fifth grade; if they've learned to read and write one of the world's more common strands of English, some gifted students might begin their third language in middle school. However, students who learned Algebraic English first and only began reading and writing in the more common way in middle school are much less likely to start a third language in middle school.

There are sometimes cursory "citizenship" classes around middle school, but few history classes. Art and music classes are common in elementary and middle schools, though they're more likely to be electives in high school. Art, music, and literature classes are more likely to promote student artwork/composition or performance/writing than analysis. There aren't very many physical education classes.

Although students have more freedom to choose classes as they age, there aren't many formal specialization programs before college.

There is no standard grading system; the most common one assigns the letters A, B, C, D, and F, possibly adorned with plusses and minuses, to classes based on the percentage of possible points earned. "Grade point average" is a less common metric than the actual average of those percentages. There are no standardized tests on the statewide level, though individual districts have them.

Private schools and home schooling are both legal, though there are no vouchers. Religious education is only available in private, parochial schools. As of January 2010, a million students were enrolled in branches of the Demented Schooling Corporation, which provides free schooling in places like Zwangzug that lack vouchers.

Extracurricular activities are common and encouraged, but not mandatory. Some common activities include musical performance ensembles, academic competitions, student publications, and sports teams.

Corporal punishment is illegal. Public schools do not have uniforms.

The NWRT (en-wart) is a popular college entrance exam, though not required by any district. Its scale changes drastically roughly once every three years. Good luck comparing your scores to last generation's wunderkinder's.

The law provides for free college education, but private schools have no requirement to accept students. College usually takes 4 years; universities offer various fellowships or teaching positions to students pursuing further education. In general (there are some historical anomalies), a "college" does not grant degrees beyond undergraduate, while a "university" does, but there are no other differences in prestige.

There are many universities and colleges in Zwangzug, which have been described as "full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights".

An exhaustive list would be prohibitive; this is restricted to the top ten in a recent edition of Zwangzug Hearsay and Provincialist Rumormonger and several others noteworthy because of their names' exceptional similarity to other schools worldwide and/or having given rise to students that competed in an "all-star" team of Ultimate (frisbee) players in the World Ultimate Championship.

Name

City

Motto

Colors

Mascot

Mandelbrot University

Farise

"Truth and beauty"

Red and blue

Lightning

Bryce College

FTC

"Fides, spes, et caritas"

Gold and black

Lions

Stoal Institute of Science

Spenson

"As above, so below"

Green and orange

Eagles

Edison College

Sarott

"Semper lux"

Green and white

Eagles

102d Polyteknik

102d

"I haf 2 b productiv"

Gray and yellow

Bees

Zwangzug University

Phryeax

"Froggug sederty bungo-bungo" ("Forever to teach and learn")

Teal and silver

Toads

Taravin College

Engelburg

"Abundant in joy"

Red and silver

Larks

University of Jeatt (Kindtown)

Kindtown

"Unite & strength"

Blue and maroon

Squirrels

Heisenberg University

Arlington

"To know the unknown"

Blue and black

Owls

Glune Institute of Natural Sciences

Gelma

"Blithe solace"

Gray and green

Turtles

Name

City

Motto

Colors

Mascot

AIU

Forbridge

"R-R8"

White and silver

Sparks

Bulkeley College

FTC

"Mit 4 rit"

Gray and brown

Dinosaurs

DU

n/a

"Excelsior"

Pink and yellow

Mountain goats

Fleinhardt College

102d

"2 the *s"

Blue and gray

Starfish

Modal College

Logrove

"Paix et amour"

White and brown

Monkeys

University of Greater Zwangzug

Jasio

"We're greater"

Gold and gray

Buzzards

University of Twineur

Twineur

"Perpetuum mobile"

Purple and white

Cheetahs

Zwangzug National University

Sambock

"Rhetorica"

Purple and gold

Monarchs

Zwangzug University of Science

Metry

"Survival of the fittest"

Green and blue

Amoebae


Mae Franklin is president of DU. Sometimes, the hardest part of college is getting in.

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