The Kingdom of Valoptia is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, renowned for its pith helmet sales, parental licensing program, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 567 million Valoptians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education, Administration, and Law & Order are also considered important, while Social Policy isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Osearwynn. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 71.6%.

The all-consuming Valoptian economy, worth 91.4 trillion pounds a year, is broadly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Furniture Restoration. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 161,144 pounds, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 515,816 per year while the poor average 38,215, a ratio of 13.5 to 1.

Royals are always ready with their diamond-encrusted toilet plungers in case a royal flush doesn't work, there's no weight to modern politics, returning vacationers often find that their property is now a construction site, and pet owners must make a payment if their charges leave a deposit. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Valoptia's national animal is the goat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Valoptia is ranked 87,800^th in the world and 232^nd in The Communist Bloc for Largest Timber Woodchipping Industry, scoring 2,828.95 on the Tasmanian Pulp Environmental Export Index.