The Utility Function of Utopadia is a massive, orderly nation, ruled by the Monad with an iron fist, and remarkable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, prohibition of alcohol, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 2.556 billion Utopadians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Education, and Administration also on the agenda, while International Aid and Spirituality receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Aleph. The average income tax rate is 90.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Utopadian economy, worth 526 trillion Objective Energy Units a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Woodchip Exports. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 206,001 Objective Energy Units, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

All gamers have been drafted into the military despite their lack of upper body strength, asking 'a penny for your thoughts?' draws law enforcement response, the sound of office water cooler chatter has been replaced by the whirring of computer cooling fans, and pony populations thrive as dogs are slaughtered in the millions. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Utopadia's national animal is the pony, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Monadism.

Utopadia is ranked 3,866^th in the world and 1^st in Optimality for Most Patriotic, with 89.34 flags saluted per person per day.