The Gerontocratic Patriarchy of Upper Nowhere is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Christopher Lee with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic population of 3.623 billion Upper Nowhereans enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Industry, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kilminster. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 27.6%.

The frighteningly efficient Upper Nowherean economy, worth 945 trillion shillings a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Tourism, and Arms Manufacturing. Average income is an amazing 260,848 shillings, with the richest citizens earning 7.3 times as much as the poorest.

The nation's industries are scrambling to switch to biodegradable plastics, the death penalty has been reintroduced, children often kick hog-nosed bats for amusement, and the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Upper Nowhere's national animal is the hog-nosed bat, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Scam.

Upper Nowhere is ranked 54,140^th in the world and 42^nd in The Hole To Hide In for Highest Drug Use, scoring 90.2 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.