by Max Barry

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Most Armed: 965th Largest Gambling Industry: 1,093rd Fattest Citizens: 1,494th
The Imperial Monarchical Empire of
Capitalist Paradise
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Civil Rights
Very Good
Political Freedom
Very Good

Overview Factbook Dispatches Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Unified Heartless States

Population5.13 billion

CapitalHollow Bastion
LeaderHis Heartlessness


The Imperial Monarchical Empire of Unified Heartless States is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by His Heartlessness with an even hand, and notable for its closed borders, triple-decker prams, and soft-spoken computers. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 5.13 billion Heartless are either ruled by a sleek, efficient government or a conglomerate of multinational corporations; it's difficult to tell which.

The relatively small, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Defense, although Education, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Welfare receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Hollow Bastion. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Heartless economy, worth 852 trillion Munnies a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, broadly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Gambling, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 166,270 Munnies, with the richest citizens earning 7.1 times as much as the poorest.

The thin blue line is composed of picketing police officers demanding better pensions, the sidewalk is used as an overtaking lane by city drivers, the pursuit of wanted criminals ends at the entrance of the pay'n'spray garage as police refuse to enter any private property, and anti-vaxxers claim that injected children are prone to psychotic breaks when they see the 'Queen of Diamonds' playing card. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. Unified Heartless States's national animal is the Beedrill, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Kek.

Unified Heartless States is ranked 1,093rd in the world and 55th in Osiris for Largest Gambling Industry, scoring 18,691.36 on the Kelly Criterion Productivity Index.

Most Armed: 965thLargest Gambling Industry: 1,093rdFattest Citizens: 1,494thTop
Highest Crime Rates: 1,763rdMost Avoided: 1,911thHighest Disposable Incomes: 2,677thLowest Overall Tax Burden: 5,434thTop
Most Rebellious Youth: 8,445thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 8,585thMost Scientifically Advanced: 8,759thMost Corrupt Governments: 8,947thLargest Black Market: 9,013thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 9,363rdHighest Average Incomes: 9,547thMost Secular: 13,488th
Most Armed: 41st in the regionLargest Gambling Industry: 55th in the regionTop
Fattest Citizens: 80th in the regionHighest Crime Rates: 98th in the regionMost Avoided: 112th in the regionHighest Disposable Incomes: 156th in the regionLowest Overall Tax Burden: 283rd in the regionTop
Most Scientifically Advanced: 444th in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 460th in the regionHighest Average Incomes: 494th in the regionMost Rebellious Youth: 514th in the regionLargest Black Market: 545th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 562nd in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 562nd in the regionMost Secular: 706th in the region

National Happenings

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