The Scrapyard of Unfitting Doors is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by The Key with an iron fist, and remarkable for its national health service, complete lack of prisons, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 29.45 billion unfitting doors are ruled by a mostly-benevolent dictator, who grants the populace the freedom to live their own lives but watches carefully for anyone to slip up.

The relatively small, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The Key Hole. The average income tax rate is 45.5%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient unfit doorian economy, worth a remarkable 6,367 trillion doorknobs a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Uranium Mining, Soda Sales, and Pizza Delivery. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 216,204 doorknobs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.0 times as much as the poorest.

The poor are forced into bankruptcy by their energy bills, diminutive unfit doorian generals are feared for their aggressiveness, foreign leaders with unpaid parking tickets are often refused entry, and devotion to God is only skin-deep. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Unfitting Doors's national animal is the woodworm, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Doorcarverism.

Unfitting Doors is ranked 15,419^th in the world and 206^th in Europe for Lowest Crime Rates, with 93.76 law-abiding acts per hour.