The Emirate of Ump297 is a massive, orderly nation, notable for its daily referendums, lack of airports, and avowedly heterosexual populace. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 4.679 billion Ump297ians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The large, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 86.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Ump297ian economy, worth 820 trillion Golds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a large, well-organized, fairly diversified black market in Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Uranium Mining. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an impressive 175,361 Golds, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

The combined alert sound of a nation simultaneously receiving a text message is a common cause of hearing damage, the government officially wants you to slow down and speak more clearly, the official Ump297ian Phrase Book weighs as much as a small child, and back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ump297's national animal is the Giraffe, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Ump297 is ranked 7,306^th in the world and 382^nd in Balder for Lowest Crime Rates, with 107.51 law-abiding acts per hour.