The United Districts of Tsarus is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Prime Eldritch Minister Jozef Kaiser with an iron fist, and renowned for its museums and concert halls, fear of technology, and ubiquitous missile silos. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 10.945 billion Tsarusians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government is dominated by the Department of Defense, although Education, Industry, and Administration are also considered important, while International Aid and Social Policy receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Teissure. The average income tax rate is 72.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Tsarusian economy, worth a remarkable 2,775 trillion Units a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Tourism, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 253,604 Units, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Foreign football clubs wave the Tsarusian flag before every game, requests to "pass the salt" are supported by tank divisions, the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by a Timber Wolf, and the nation is wading into dangerous waters. Crime, especially youth-related, is almost non-existent, despite the fact that it is difficult to make it through a day without breaking one of the country's many laws. Tsarus's national animal is the Timber Wolf, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Eldritch Orthodoxy.

Tsarus is ranked 120,137^th in the world and 4^th in Tsarus for Most Stationary, with 124.8412742682 days.