The Crashed Spaceship of Totally Not Salaxalans is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Svlad Cjelli with an iron fist, and remarkable for its closed borders, parental licensing program, and keen interest in outer space. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 14.408 billion Salaxians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rime. The average income tax rate is 76.6%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Salaxalansian economy, worth 982 trillion Dirks a year, is highly specialized and led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Retail, Furniture Restoration, and Uranium Mining. Black market activity is frequent. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 68,200 Dirks, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?", surfers ride tsunamis of record height and toxicity, it is firmly believed that cameras steal souls, and wheelchair users complain it is nearly impossible for them to cross the road in Rime. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Totally Not Salaxalans's national animal is the Electric Monk, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Chronology.

Totally Not Salaxalans is ranked 206,049^th in the world and 281^st in Spiritus for Most Politically Free, scoring 19 on the Diebold Election Inking Scale.