The Canton of Ticino is a gargantuan, pleasant nation, notable for its burgeoning carp population. The hard-working population of 16.823 billion Ticinese have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The relatively small government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Welfare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Bellinzona. The average income tax rate is 17.3%.

The Ticinoan economy, worth 772 trillion francs a year, is fairly diversified and led by the Woodchip Exports industry, with major contributions from Gambling, Pizza Delivery, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 45,923 francs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.6 times as much as the poorest.

Ticino has designated Bellinzona as its capital city, abortion is only legal in unusual circumstances, Leader has just been declared ruler of Ticino in an international press conference, and a major religion has been named as Ticino's national religion. Crime is relatively low, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Ticino's national animal is the carp, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

Ticino is ranked 159,464^th in the world and 17^th in Swiss Confederation for Most Primitive, scoring -53.85 on the Scary Big Number Scale.