The Ancient Empire of The United Vex Imperium is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Emperor Lysander with an even hand, and renowned for its anti-smoking policies, vat-grown people, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, humorless population of 12.469 billion Imperials have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The medium-sized, corrupt government prioritizes Defense, although Education, Administration, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Imperial DC. The average income tax rate is 98.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Imperial economy, worth a remarkable 5,188 trillion Talens a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched, broadly diversified black market in Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, Woodchip Exports, and Book Publishing. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 416,114 Talens, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Popular cartoon characters frequently appear in government-sponsored PSAs reminding students to say no to drugs, revolutionaries only deal in CyanCatCoin, armed war-criminals gain asylum if deemed 'fabulous' enough, and Imperial tourists are banned from many nations due to their tendency to randomly explode. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. The United Vex Imperium's national animal is the Gryphon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Imperial Cantalist Pluralism.

The United Vex Imperium is ranked 99,519^th in the world and 3^rd in Tau for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 1,540.19 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.