by Max Barry

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The Mad King of Hell of
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The Life and History of The Stalker, Mad King of Hell

The Life and History of The Stalker, Mad King of Hell
Some may never live, but the crazy never die.

Intro: Who is The Stalker?
The Stalker was born in a log cabin orbiting the moon in a distance alternative future where he came from. He was sent back in time by the Mistress of Chaos the Goddess Discordia to prevent the 2012 Apocalypse, which he did your Welcome, thunderously creating this new reality we all enjoy today. Praise be to the Mad King, the All knowing all seeing all hallucinating, Prophet of pure truth and things he's like totally sure is right. From the words of numbers backwards told from the voice in his head and also drug hallucinations that convince him he can see through time itself, cause we're all like a wave man you know? Infamous Leader and founder of the Church of Discord he is well respected and beloved by everyone he knows or will ever meet. Renown for his awesome house on the moon, where he comments "Just remember, EVERy time you look up at the MOON, i'm MOONING you." Ah such timeless classic spun gold follows from his lips.

Chapter 1: In the beginning and future there was Stalker, and it was Good
From an early age the Stalker showed major skill at both wielding the force and manipulation of time and space. (Time is an illusion) Before turning 5 he managed to eat his other 4 siblings as there can be only one. Some call him the Space Cow Boy, other's call him the gangers of love. At the age of 12 he invented the color blue and is rumored to have beaten up Chuck Norris.

The Stalker who stopped aging at age 24, is in fact 1204 years old, and has lived even longer. He can speak over 17 languages, including Catinese & Doginese. He is the father of both Genghis Khan and Queen Elizabeth. The Stalker is most known for introducing the Beatles to each other and writing the Communist Manifesto. But what you may have not known about Stalker is he also staged the moon landing and tricked the world into believing Australia and Kangaroos are real, even though they don't really exist. The Stalker also got the 7th planet from the sun re-named Uranus because he thought it was funny.

Upon turning 763 he went back in time and gave birth to himself after being impregnated by a shooting star of magic and fair dust (the kind that makes you sneeze). At age 1001 he created the earth and the space time continuum as a gift to the Goddess Discordia for her birthday. At age 1207 he kicked Hitler in the balls and banged Eva Braun. At age 2100 he invited alcohol so bums would have something to put in their brown paper bags.

Chapter 2: Is the Stalker REALLY Crazy? MAD!?
No we're not crazy, and neither am I. Yes it is a made up true rumor that the Stalker has many names and only mildly severely suffers from multi personality disorder, with one or two of the persona's with some mild sever schizophrenia and manic tendencies. I don't believe it either. I also don't think cutting off one's own ear to become a better painter is crazy either. Nor is it "CRAZY" to go around forcibly collecting other people's ears to become the best painter. I mean really, you have two ears, how selfish are you, you can't give me one so I can be the best painter ever. Daryl knows what I mean.

Chapter 3: The Cult Following of The Stalker
From his birth, the Stalker has always had a overly loyal group of enlightened followers at his beck and call. He is a world renowned spiritual leader and Occultist. Teaching the world the true meaning of Chaos. I tell you: one must have chaos within oneself, to give birth to a dancing star. As we speak his will become strong and his message takes flight on the wings of Hermes, leading his voice to becomes ever more famous across the lands. Soon everyone will make blood sacrifices to me to win the Mad King's favor. And he always gives the mortals a chance to BOW BEFORE him, for Stalker is Lord and lover of the Goddess of Discord. And you are but their subjects created for Discordia's amusement. NOW DANCE YOU FOOLS.

The Church of Discord was set up by the Stalker in the Name of his Sweet love Eris the mistress of Madmen. Where the Stalker regularly preaches the good word of utter insanity and Chaos. For to expect to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, is to expect what never was and never will be.

Hail the 10 Commandments of the Stalker
I. Thou shall shall accept the Stalker into their hearts and any orifices master Stalker request

II. Thou shall recognize The Stalker as the World's future half Alien, half human, and half cyborg from the alternative future as the messiah and savoir of the world as foretold by the Mayans and Billy Joel

III. Thou shall always lick the door knob of a room before entering and write PRAISE Discordia on the wall of a room before leaving

IV. Thou shall make a pilgrimage within their lives to The Stalker's birth place, the log cabin that orbits the moon where he was born in, The Church of Discord's holiest shire

V. Thou shall remember that if your thinking of a girl it doesn't make it gay, regardless of the thing in your mouth

VI. Thou shall remember the day the Stalker arose from the dead for the sixth time and the seventh time, before doing it for the first time

VII. Thou shall NEVER forget the seventh Commandment, its very important!!

VIII. Thou shall sacrifice their first born and third born child in the name of the Stalker and World peace, also the 2nd born if requested... it's requested

IX. Thou shall purge all the non-believers by the flame or firing them into the sun whenever possible

X. Thou shall always punch kittens, puppies, and babies in the face if they fail to recite any of the Commandments of the Church of Discord upon requested

XI. Thou shall always praise Eris and walk in her shadow accepting true madness into your heart and reveling in her chaotic nature

The Church of Discord activity works to promote the believes that;

1. Believing Alcohol cures cancer along with other healing effects, and should be given to babies and children regularly in massive quantities.

2. Believing Kittens are Cute and Cats should be worshiped as they are descendants of Discordia's favorite daughter.

3. Believing the concept of gender is a government conspiracy, in reality everyone is born a boy, but the government cuts off half the people's penis to provide a subservient slave class for those who have penises, and all doctors practice pagan witchcraft.

4. Encourages the Sniffing of other people's cloths and under garments while there not home. Just wait outside watching from the window for them to leave first.

Chapter 4: The 2012 apocalypse PREVENTED, you're Welcome
The mother of Chaos Eris realizing the true awesomenessism of The Stalker sent him back in time from an alternate future to prevent the 2012 apocalypse, which he did your welcome. He made peace with Alien Angle race of Nibiru, who helped overt the massive on coming comet sent to destroy our planet, and then b*tch slapped the anti-Christ and cut of his head as there can BE ONLY ONE, thus stopping the 2012 apocalypse. HOWEVER thanks to the mortals lack of respect for mother Gaia, The Stalker's selfless act has only bought them more time for the children of Adam always exist in a state of suspended annihilation, partly due to the original snub. The world has nearly ended four times, yet people don't even realize it.

From this point on the world recognize the Stalker's authority to go on long winded rants about whatever random ridiculous made up but always true thought that pops into his head at any given moment on any given planet WE MAY BE ONE according to the government, who are REALLY all controlled by the UN Lizard people who have secretly replaced every major world leader. The Stalker is now deep under cover to infiltrate their inner circle. Kinda like James Bond or Jack Bauer. Rumored to have had sex with an iguana to gain their trust and to have been eating insects for months. Now someone get him a Shirley temple and a shot of whiskey. Cuz B*tches be trippin'!

Chapter 5: From Cult Leader to King of Hell
After saving the world and creating a new reality, the Stalker lead his people to rise up together and the Church of Discord conquered the Kingdom of Hell placing his majesty the Stalker as the New Mad King of Hell. To feel the warm thrill of confusion, That space cadet glow. The Mad King enjoys selling our children's organs to zoos for meat, and going into people's houses at night and wrecking up the place. All it took was Just one hit MAN JUST ONE, and they were HOOKED on Stalker for life. (Stalker Addicts).

The souls go marching into Hell, two by two, hurrah, HURRAH!
Thee souls go marching into Hell, two by two, HURRAH! HURRAH!!
The souls go marching into Hell,
They all fall under the Mad King's spell,
And they all go marching down, underground,
To roast amongst the flames...

When Temptation’s page flies out the door, You follow, find yourself at war, Watch waterfalls of pity roar, You feel to moan but unlike before, You discover that you’d just be one more, Person crying...

The Six Demonic Deeds of the Mad King!
1. As King has made Hell safer than ever before, with over double the endorsements of past Delegates.

2. Forged the new Kingdom of Hell.

3. Created the regional Forum -> http://w11.zetaboards.com/Burn_in_Hell/index/

4. Created Underworld as a Hellion outpost and public half of Hell.

5. Recruiting many demonic souls to Hell and Underworld over the years.

6. Always breathing in new life and activity to Hell.

Long Live the Mad King!

Long Live the Goddess Discordia!

So it is written; In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

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