The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 20.999 billion Seven Provincians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The relatively small, pro-business government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Law & Order receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. The average income tax rate is 53.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 4,575 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 217,888 colombian flakes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.2 times as much as the poorest.

Terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and machine gun nests, city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty, cremation is compulsory for the deceased, and the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 16,778^th in the world and 232^nd in Europe for Most Valuable International Artwork, with 15.9 Bank.