The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its otherworldly petting zoo, unlimited-speed roads, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 20.119 billion Seven Provincians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The relatively small, pro-business government prioritizes Education, although Industry, Environment, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Law & Order aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 50.2%.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 4,391 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is extensive. Average income is an amazing 218,269 colombian flakes, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 894,014 per year while the poor average 35,232, a ratio of 25.4 to 1.

Benishof's iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen, terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and machine gun nests, city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty, and cremation is compulsory for the deceased. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 5,180^th in the world and 61^st in Europe for Highest Disposable Incomes, with 108,698.24 Standard Monetary Units.