The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with an even hand, and renowned for its sprawling nuclear power plants, pith helmet sales, and smutty television. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 27.858 billion Seven Provincians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Education, although Environment, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Spirituality and Law & Order receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. The average income tax rate is 67.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 6,479 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an amazing 232,599 colombian flakes, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Political spontaneity takes a lot of planning, a shocking number of estate planners are beneficiaries of their clients' wills, Catherine Gratwick's campaign support is considered seminal, and sex-ed is child's play. Crime, especially youth-related, is a major problem, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 297,923^rd in the world and 1,397^th in Europe for Largest Trout Fishing Sector, scoring -12.36 on the Nemo Depletion Efficiency Index.