The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, socially progressive nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, otherworldly petting zoo, and anti-smoking policies. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 17.455 billion Seven Provincians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, outspoken government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 72.7%.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 3,280 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing, Information Technology, and Retail. Average income is an impressive 187,957 colombian flakes, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 584,853 per year while the poor average 46,443, a ratio of 12.6 to 1.

No cul-de-sac or trailer park is complete without a gambling parlor, the Museum of Blackacrean War Crimes is located on "Blackacre Did Nothing Wrong Avenue", films are funded in accordance with the volume of tears shed when reading the screenplay, and grannies get pulled over for knitting pullovers while driving. Crime is totally unknown. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 155,433^rd in the world and 960^th in Europe for Most Secular, with 11.4 Atheism Rate.