The Grand Duchy of The Seven Provinces is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Spurdo Spärde with a fair hand, and remarkable for its keen interest in outer space, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, cheerful population of 22.782 billion Seven Provincians are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.

The medium-sized government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Industry, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Law & Order aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Benishof. The average income tax rate is 60.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Seven Provincian economy, worth a remarkable 5,119 trillion colombian flakes a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Retail. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an amazing 224,698 colombian flakes, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

Terrified neighbors cower behind concertina wire and machine gun nests, city budgets are spent entirely on supporting the town royalty, cremation is compulsory for the deceased, and the government extracts trade concessions from poor nations in exchange for humanitarian aid. Crime, especially youth-related, is pervasive, perhaps because of the country's complete lack of prisons. The Seven Provinces's national animal is the pædobär, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Benism.

The Seven Provinces is ranked 175,717^th in the world and 614^th in Europe for Greatest Rich-Poor Divides, with 2.44 Rich To Poor Income Ratio.