The Potato-Poet of The Salaxalans is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Svlad Cjelli with a fair hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, hatred of cheese, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 16.87 billion Salaxians love a good election, and the government gives them plenty of them. Universities tend to be full of students debating the merits of various civil and political rights, while businesses are tightly regulated and the wealthy viewed with suspicion.

The enormous government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Social Policy, and Healthcare also on the agenda, while Spirituality is ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Rime. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Salaxalansian economy, worth a remarkable 3,992 trillion Dirks a year, is highly specialized and mostly made up of the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Book Publishing and Information Technology. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 236,635 Dirks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Employers are finding it hard to screen candidates now that everyone gets A grades in their exams, balaclava manufacturers are held criminally culpable for bank heists, families waiting for delayed pipe installations hope daily for rain, and cash-strapped politicians frequently host bake sales to fund their campaigns. Crime is totally unknown. The Salaxalans's national animal is the Electric Monk, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Chronology.

The Salaxalans is ranked 2,316^th in the world and 12^th in Spiritus for Safest, scoring 139.32 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.