The Secret Saint of The Oriental Empire is a massive, efficient nation, ruled by Alexios de Lusignan Palaiologos with an iron fist, and notable for its pith helmet sales, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless, devout population of 3.72 billion Orientals are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The medium-sized, corrupt, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Constantinople. The average income tax rate is 84.4%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Oriental economy, worth 602 trillion Histamenons a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Book Publishing, and Tourism. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 161,956 Histamenons, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Traumatised refugees have a full bedpan shoved into their hands along with their immigration papers, adverts depict men giving birth while cursing the women who got them into trouble, an increasing percentage of the population's youth have homosexual parents, and travellers are often forcibly evicted by torch-bearing mobs. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Oriental Empire's national animal is the Branta ruficollis, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Oriental Orthodoxy.

The Oriental Empire is ranked 5,015^th in the world and 72^nd in Europe for Lowest Crime Rates, with 108.52 Law-abiding Acts Per Hour.