The Democratic People's Republic of The Maltese is a massive, safe nation, ruled by Dom Mintoff with a fair hand, and notable for its keen interest in outer space, devotion to social welfare, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, hard-working, democratic population of 1.383 billion Malteseans enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Education, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Il-Belt Valletta. The average income tax rate is 67.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Maltesean economy, worth 172 trillion Lira Maltijas a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Tourism, Book Publishing, and Trout Farming. Average income is an impressive 124,822 Lira Maltijas, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 3.9 times as much as the poorest.

Primetime re-runs of The Black and White Minstrel Show are a critical hit, building a phallus out of Minecraft blocks counts as indecent exposure, birth rates have hit an all-time low, and the end of communism came with retail rather than revolution. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. The Maltese's national animal is the Kelb tal-Fenek, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Maltese is ranked 252,682^nd in the world and 10,135^th in The North Pacific for Fattest Citizens, with 8.19 Obesity Rate.