The Ardent Valor of The First Garrison is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its strictly enforced bedtime, frequent executions, and complete absence of social welfare. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless population of 15.55 billion First Garrisonians are ruled with an iron fist by the corrupt, dictatorship government, which oppresses anyone who isn't on the board of a Fortune 500 company. Large corporations tend to be above the law, and use their financial clout to gain ever-increasing government benefits at the expense of the poor and unemployed.

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Law & Order, although Defense, Industry, and Healthcare are also considered important, while Environment and Social Policy aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of The First Garrison City. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 8.3%.

The frighteningly efficient First Garrisonian economy, worth a remarkable 1,917 trillion zombie teeth a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Uranium Mining, and Automobile Manufacturing. Black market activity is notable. Average income is an impressive 123,314 zombie teeth, but there is a large disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 505,497 per year while the poor average 19,877, a ratio of 25.4 to 1.

Government police forces protect public schools from the threat of protest, all citizens are solely referenced by their allocated identity number, murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour, and major archaeological findings are frequently bulldozed to make way for new buildings. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force. The First Garrison's national animal is the falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is a major religion.

The First Garrison is ranked 30,449^th in the world and 13^th in Taijitu for Largest Pizza Delivery Sector, scoring 3,519.24 on the Pepperoni Propulsion Productivity Index.