The Dominion of The Esvanovian Caretaker is a massive, socially progressive nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape, frequent executions, and absence of drug laws. The hard-working, democratic population of 4.189 billion Esvanovian Caretakerians live in a state of perpetual fear, as a complete breakdown of social order has led to the rise of order through biker gangs.

The relatively small, liberal, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Welfare, Education, and Healthcare. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 9.2%.

The very strong Esvanovian Caretakerian economy, worth 225 trillion Pounds a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Basket Weaving, and Information Technology. Average income is 53,743 Pounds, with the richest citizens earning 8.7 times as much as the poorest.

Demand for night vision goggles and boat engine mufflers has spiked, people accuse the government of being in bed with Big Safety, all tariffs have been abolished, and children who display even minimal sporting aptitude are immediately assigned a personal trainer. Crime is moderate, probably because of the absence of a police force. The Esvanovian Caretaker's national animal is the Lion, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

The Esvanovian Caretaker is ranked 299,987^th in the world and 25^th in Esvanovia for Most Advanced Defense Forces, scoring 224.98 on the Total War Preparedness Rating.