The United States of The Columbian Theocratic Order is a huge, safe nation, remarkable for its smutty television, avowedly heterosexual populace, and compulsory military service. The compassionate, cynical, devout population of 921 million Columbians are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The enormous, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Law & Order. The average income tax rate is 68.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but underdeveloped Columbian Theocratic Orderian economy, worth 27.9 trillion Eagles a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Door-to-door Insurance Sales, and Woodchip Exports. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 30,253 Eagles, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

The inside lane of every highway is for parked vehicles only, unshaven men are viewed with suspicion in courts of law, Columbians believe the only thing that will make you happy is being unhappy with who you are, and attempts to inform people about their unclaimed property are often mistaken for telephone scams. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Columbian Theocratic Order's national animal is the Phoenix.

The Columbian Theocratic Order is ranked 98,329^th in the world and 88^th in Caer Sidi for Most Advanced Public Education, scoring 1,688.67 on the Edu-tellignce® Test Score.