The People's Republic of The Capitano is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by El Capitano with an iron fist, and remarkable for its rampant corporate plagiarism, public floggings, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical population of 16.492 billion Capitanoans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The medium-sized, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government prioritizes Law & Order, although Defense, Education, and Industry are also considered important, while Welfare and Environment receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Pacation. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 20.0%.

The powerhouse Capitanoan economy, worth a remarkable 1,248 trillion capis a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Automobile Manufacturing, Furniture Restoration, and Uranium Mining. Average income is 75,701 capis, with the richest citizens earning 9.2 times as much as the poorest.

Fitness to teach sport is proven by urinating the furthest up a wall, school uniforms are compulsory, parents receive hefty fines for telling kids to eat their vegetables, and it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Capitano's national animal is the Nahuelito, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation, and its national religion is Catholicism.

The Capitano is ranked 95,086^th in the world and 4,950^th in Balder for Lowest Crime Rates, with 66.49 law-abiding acts per hour.