by Max Barry

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Bloody, me, ey

Catherine Alison "Allie" Somethingorother


Assumed office
18 June 2015

Preceded by

Epsilon aquarii

Personal details


Catherine Alison Lastname
xx xx 1995 (age 23)
LinkCanberra, LinkAustralia


The hook islands (m. 2017)




LinkGreater Manchester, LinkEngland

Alma mater

Some Sixth Form College somewhere


Police officer



Sexual Orientation


Additional details



Xbox gamertag

Carnivore Duck

Steam name


I like ducks; anyway, feel free to add me if ya want bub

    If Tetris has taught me one thing, it's that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.

    My liver can handle what my heart can't.

    The things I do probably break the Geneva Conventions, but what do I know? I haven't read them.

    Civilians? You mean unmobilised combatants?

Hello! My name is Catherine Alison Whocares and I'm the tired, emotionally destroyed chick behind this nation. Now, something that needs to be gotten out of the way first to possibly avoid confusion is that while my forename is Catherine, I prefer being referred to by my middle name Alison because that's what I've been called for pretty much all of my life for some stupid reason. I never asked why, and I'm not in a position to ask right now. Or probably ever. Besides, I think Alison sounds better than Catherine anyway. I mean, what is this, the 18th century?

So, I was born in Australia but I've been living in England for about 16 years. I consider myself an Aussie despite that fact because pretty much all of my family are as well, and at this point I just can't be bothered going against that.

Some of you may have looked at my for/against things and thought "hold on, how can you be for gay marriage and gay rights, but against gay pride?" Or at least, one person thought that like a year ago. Anyway, the answer to that question is that I don't see being gay or a lesbian or whatever as something to be proud of. I mean, to me it's like being proud of how many tastebuds you have. Nobody should care.

I work as a police officer, which is usually pretty great. What do I do specifically? I'm a medic. I just really like helping people; there's some satisfaction when there when I go that little bit further to do more. I like to think I've saved a couple of lives here and there, so in all honesty I couldn't be happier. wow, nice brag Allie, you berk. Normally I deal with small-scale stuff, like some guy who got beat up in a bar-fight on a Friday night or something. That's not even a specific example, that's how often it happens. Maybe even a Saturday if I'm lucky. Of course, there are some super rare incidents too, like that time I was present at a big protest by lots of jerks. That was something else. It definitely gets worse that that, though. Like that time at the Manchester Arena. It sucked.

Interestingly though hopefully, is that being a copper wasn't my first choice for a career. You see, my family has always had a pretty big military tradition, going back to the First World War as far as I know. I had a great-something-grandfather who fought at Gallipoli, and there's another relation who fought at Ypres and probably other places. That kinda continues, even recently; my father was in the Royal Australian Navy and he was there for the Gulf War, and my older brother fought in the Afghanistan War with the British Army. So, as you can probably guess, my first choice was something in the armed forces. I thought about the Royal Air Force, but my dad was like "oi yeah nah join the police instead." Maybe in more, kinder words, but that's the gist of it.

Reading is something that I do quite a lot as well yeah, I'm as surprised as you are. My favourite series either has to be Metro by Dmitry Glukhovsky or A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin. 1984 by George Orwell is also a pretty good read, too. I've been diving into some James Patterson and Anthony Horowitz books as well, and they are just fantastic.

Playing games is my go-to for wasting time and brain cells. Like the books, the Metro Exodus get hype game series is top notch. Another beautiful game is This War of Mine - the darkness of both of those series just sucks me in; don't get me wrong, I like escaping into fun-rainbowland as much as the next person, but I just cannot get enough of well-made disaster games. Except when children are added to the mix, in which case I'm out - no ifs or buts. On that note, there's also DEFCON. It doesn't look like much at all, but I can't help but feel a little sad when I watch my nuclear missiles rain down onto my enemy and realise I've sentenced millions of innocent people to a fiery death ain't that cheery?.

Anyway I prefer playing on the Xboxes because I have more games available to me. And that means it's super hard to choose a favourite; I just kinda play whatever I feel like, y'know? But my picture on the right there is Mercy from Overwatch, do I play that a lot? Or at all? Nope. I honestly just think Mercy is hot and I am unashamed to admit it.

FAVOURITES: Halo 1-3, Halo: Reach, Stellaris, Hearts of Iron IV, Battlefield 4, Battlefield 1, Civilization V, Metro: 2033, Metro: Last Light, Fallout: New Vegas, Fallout 4, Call of Duty 4, Assassins Creed IV, Detroit: Become Human
LEAST FAVOURITES: 7 Days to Die, Project CARS, Gears of War 4, Aliens vs Predator

I actually enjoy playing support, but it's kinda thankless work. That said, I hate nothing more than a support player who doesn't do their job. When someone needs a med kit or some ammo, it's your duty to give them that. But nah, they'll just play as a medic for the bloody rifles.

So, with my Xbox gamertag being Carnivore Duck and my Steam name being Duckyyy, I have to like ducks, right? That's absolutely correct - ducks are the best animals on the planet. Where did the 'Carnivore' part come from? Well, I was out with my sister and my nephew, and we walked past this pond with ducks in it. My nephew asked "what if ducks ate meat?" and the idea was just funny to me.

There's also music that I spend a lot of time listening to. It's my life, basically; I can't go on my computer, tablet or phone and not listen to some music. So, as you may or may not have guessed, rock is my favourite, along with a few of its sub-genres. I prefer music that's done by a band, but to be honest I have no idea why. So, who do I listen to? Muse, Coldplay, The Killers, Ed Sheeran and Miracle of Sound are the big ones. There are also a tonne of songs that I like which are made by artists that I don't particularly like; Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand) and Paint It, Black (The Rolling Stones) for example.

I've been told that I'm kind of both an existential and a moral nihilist. I mean, I don't actually disagree with that, to be honest. I don't see a reason for humans being on Earth besides "evolution made us", nor do I believe that humanity is important in the grand scheme of things. If humanity was to die out right now, the earth will still spin, stars will still be born and die out, and evolution will eventually make something else take our place. I also don't believe in inherent morality. That's not to say I think it's okay to act like an asshole, though - morality isn't needed for anyone to act like a decent person.

I enjoy going to different countries too. That whole thing started when my family and I left Australia to go to England; my family went on some holidays to other countries ever year or so, and when I got older I started to really enjoy all the different things there was to see, the different food, et cetera. It's still a tradition I hope to carry on, actually; every year, the wifey and I will go on a holiday to a country we've never been to before. I can't be bothered making a map to show where I've been, so I'll just list them if you're interested.

  • Australia

  • the UK

  • France

  • Germany

  • New Zealand

  • Italy

  • the USA

  • Denmark

  • Sweden

  • Japan

Like everyone else, I've got a fear or two. Well, more than that, but I've got two that I don't really mind talking about. The first is moths. Moths are just... ech. The way they fly about and stuff. Keep them as far away from me as possible, then a bit further than that. I don't even think there's a reason beyond that. The second is fire - I'm kinda like the Hound with it, sans the face-burning part. I mean, small flames like on matches and stuff are fine, but big fires are a massive no-no for me.

Oh yeah, I like drinking. My favourite is vodka. I mean, not neat or anything; I'm not 19 anymore ah, those were the days... I usually prefer it in a cocktail, like a cosmopolitan or a sex on the beach or something. Yes, I am that kind of person, shut up. I can be girly when I want to be. But honestly, you can't go wrong with a basic screwdriver either. Also, piņa coladas are up there as part of my favourites. I had a manhattan once and that... well, it was something. Tequila still makes my clothes come off.

So, who do I idolise, anyway? The person I look up to most is Bob Ross, bless his soul. It was he that taught me to just... be happy. I mean, I felt happiness before, but I was generally pretty miserable at the best of times. Then I found 'The Joy of Painting' and it was one of the best things I could have watched. He was never negative, and even if he did something wrong, he'd just call it a 'happy accident', and actually make that accident work in his paintings. I watched him constantly still do, honestly and I tried painting myself. I was nowhere near as good as he was, but I just felt like that didn't matter. y'know? He also taught me to be proud and happy with what I've done, rather than be hard on myself. There's enough negativity in this world; there's no need to add to it. I don't believe in heaven, but if it exists, then Bob Ross is definitely up there. Anyway, that got a bit too personal, so. Heh.

Let me know if I should include anything else. Or I'll just add something on my own if I figure out what to put next.

FOR: LGB-stuff, gay marriage, freedom of speech, centrism, Pro-Choice, a death penalty, science and stuff, NATO, gun control everywhere
WHATEVER: capitalism, religion, real feminism, T-stuff, the UN, the EU, weed
AGAINST: gay pride, socialism/communism, anarchism, fascism, feminazis, regular Nazis, extremism of any kind, generally being an arsehole, guns, censoring history, terrorists, lolis and the people who like them Linkthat stuff is illegal, dude people who say that gender and sex aren't the same thing (they are), war crimes

FOR: Linkfully automated luxury gay space communism, dank memes, questionable jokes, bacon, my desk fan, red wine, cats, dogs, Pringles, Jaffa Cakes, MilitaryHistoryVisualized, German accents, Coldplay, Muse, Gabe the dog (sleep tight, pupper), Comic Sans, committing war crimes in video games
WHATEVER: Spiders, whiskey, cider
AGAINST: Nations with a Napoleon Complex, moths, people who don't edit posts when you ninja them, Pepe, kek & kekistan, all these Goddamn meme nations