by Max Barry

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Most World Assembly Endorsements: 994thMost Influential: 1,322ndMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,391st
The Dictatorship of
Psychotic Dictatorship
Government Knows Best!
Tsar Clouseau
Civil Rights
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Factbook Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards


Population12.563 billion

LeaderTsar Clouseau
FaithPink Panther-ism


The Dictatorship of Tessau is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Tsar Clouseau with an iron fist, and remarkable for its frequent executions, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 12.563 billion Pencil-Pushers are ruled without fear or favor by a psychotic dictator, who outlaws just about everything and refers to the populace as "my little playthings."

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, corrupt, moralistic, socially-minded, well-organized morass — juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Defense, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dresden. The average income tax rate is 94.4%.

The large but underdeveloped Tessauan economy, worth 568 trillion Silvers a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is a slick, highly efficient, highly specialized black market in Tourism, Arms Manufacturing, and Information Technology. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is 45,238 Silvers, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.4 times as much as the poorest.

The men in trenchcoats hanging around playgrounds are actually police officers, courses in how to boil water are popular for formerly microwave-reliant Pencil-Pushers, healthcare workers are flummoxed over the spike in foreign tourists with sudden-onset heart disease, and Brancaland has gifted over nine thousand putrid moose carcasses to Tessau as a reminder of their "special relationship". Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Tessau's national animal is the Ghost, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Pink Panther-ism.

Tessau is ranked 19,639th in the world and 1,075th in The North Pacific for Safest, scoring 113.1 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.

Most World Assembly Endorsements: 994thMost Influential: 1,322ndTop
Most Advanced Law Enforcement: 4,391stLowest Crime Rates: 4,789thHighest Average Tax Rates: 5,190thHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 5,334thMost Corrupt Governments: 6,855thMost Beautiful Environments: 7,592ndMost Stationary: 7,843rdBest Weather: 8,763rdMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 8,782ndLargest Governments: 10,431stTop
Healthiest Citizens: 10,759thMost Advanced Defense Forces: 10,991stMost Authoritarian: 11,895thLongest Average Lifespans: 15,373rdLargest Black Market: 17,316thLargest Populations: 18,953rdSafest: 19,639th
Most Stationary: 176th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 177th in the regionHighest Foreign Aid Spending: 198th in the regionLowest Crime Rates: 232nd in the regionHighest Average Tax Rates: 240th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 304th in the regionLargest Populations: 348th in the regionMost Advanced Defense Forces: 396th in the regionMost Beautiful Environments: 405th in the regionBest Weather: 474th in the regionMost Popular Tourist Destinations: 478th in the regionLargest Governments: 505th in the regionTop
Most Influential: 545th in the regionHealthiest Citizens: 576th in the regionLargest Black Market: 588th in the regionMost World Assembly Endorsements: 649th in the regionMost Authoritarian: 724th in the regionLongest Average Lifespans: 819th in the regionHighest Economic Output: 910th in the regionMost Cultured: 1,013th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:


World Assembly

Endorsements Received: 190 » Notyoutopia, Selfgradatude, Sunto, Frances Francis the First of France, Corfad, Yaorozu, Xentherida, Unimaginable Doom, Shadowrik, Holy Oranz, Calamazo, Wineclaw, Siwale, Malta Comino Gozo, Pallaith, Kwaj, Diodone, Yukti, Kelvaros Prime, Buckerino, The Iron Lions, Cloydicia, Moubarakistan, Universal State Formula, PlanetPunk, Territorio di Nessuno, Maott, Eglise Sainte Eve, Puczovska, Atain, Shibutani, Former English Colony, Koda-Land, Highton Islands, The Gamer Party, Whereisthatistan, Zeternia, United Draconia, Empy, Ethnon, El Fiji Grande, Dar es Saalam, Amestris-Britannia, Wilkshire, Pasargad, The Rhein States, The Most Freedom Ever, New Pruessen, SORT, Valhalla123, and 140 others.North Bratislava, Vincone Cae, Omnistria, Unsophisticate, Napnomadia, Bearical, Dreadton, Ninjak30, The Windmilluminati, Amauri, Guer Aike, The Sinclarian Provinces, Niradans, Votak Matim, Egalico, Solmetria, Joodey, Steampunk Ariel, Plangainer, Trillius, Destructive Government Endorsing System, Noahs Second Country, Loutsland, Alpinea, Haor Chall, Astrind, Kobagia, Glurponia, Runeda, Orado, Daiz, Seenvorland, The Tampa Bay Rays, New Octicarg, McMasterdonia, The Stratosphere Islands, Kasazzastan, Eri-Maqa-Ena, Sundred, Sil Dorsett, Great Bights Mum, Zumlandia, Nakayo, Wisconsota, Gnomewatchers, 1 very fast endotarter, Eteles, United Kahndaq, Kranostav, PotatoFarmers, Pazair, Newpromisedland, Clan Spaniel, Dabarastan, Viridiann, Zyvetskistaahn, Interdimensional Zone, Ravendi, Castle Federation, Palgo, Valentine Z, Praeceps, Volstokn, Cobleck Weleis, Abject Ludicrosity, Tachycardia, Fendlium, Lungha, Hamerica, Loli County, Merconitonitopia, Valatic Ash, Xagill, The New Communist Republic Of States, MiaryBhalzhack, Yokciq Empire, The Endless Eventide, New Jamgra, Lendara, Serendipita Martia, SherpDaWerp in TNP, Ihese, Crader, Prevaland, The World Capitalist Confederation, Nistriabar, Antiyard, Varola, Supreme Leader Hadrian, Unshleepd, Woodsend, New Lakemba, The Pantheons, Korovan Isles, Californian Redwood, Westinor, Astronomical, Fauzjhia, The Serdey Islands, Greater Pittsburgh, Mesopotama, PortvgaI, Frostcell, Sikol, Saperisole, Zzozona, Iztocna Slavija, Hoglands, Plutayah, Confederacy of Antarctica, Termathe, Veast, Prydania, I Like Killing people, The Calabash Protectorate, Shinjuku tokyo 0, Kocherian, Seanat, Libertania Democratica, Brucklania, Arichia, Schnuftelland, Damsmel, Borsukia, The New Cordian Empire, Madjack, Ihsan, Xipher, The Federal Republic of Scouseland, Kenaniahistan, Kragsgale, Amerian States, Astal Aavors, Innocentic, Illusia and Neverendia, Simone Republic, Principia Mathematica, Ultra777, Andexia, and Buckhem.

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