The Republic of Teektenstein is a massive, safe nation, ruled by President Magnus Bersson with an even hand, and renowned for its rum-swilling pirates, museums and concert halls, and zero percent divorce rate. The hard-nosed, democratic, devout population of 3.662 billion Teektensteinians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The relatively small, moralistic government prioritizes Defense, with Law & Order, Administration, and Education also on the agenda, while Social Policy and Welfare aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Teekenby. The average income tax rate is 29.7%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The very strong Teektensteinian economy, worth 418 trillion Teektensteinian coins a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with major contributions from Tourism, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Information Technology. Average income is an impressive 114,260 Teektensteinian coins, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

No-one ever lasts longer than a week on a life support machine, President Magnus Bersson's handshakes with opposition leaders usually lead to thumb wars, the nation has declared war on all passing comets, and theoretical science is only theoretical. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Teektenstein's national animal is the Racoon, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Teektenstein is ranked 262,695^th in the world and 59^th in The Union of Democratic States for Most Primitive, scoring -139.6 on the Scary Big Number Scale.