The Church of Slongs is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by The great Dong with an even hand, and notable for its ubiquitous missile silos, complete lack of prisons, and otherworldly petting zoo. The hard-nosed, devout population of 5.833 billion Slongsians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kongo. The average income tax rate is 68.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Slongsian economy, worth 482 trillion marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Cheese Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 82,729 marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

High-tech infantry rifles automatically reload when the soldier shoots outside the screen of their helmet HUD, the nation's atlases tend to go out of date every few weeks, government reports are now used to teach toddlers to read, and the nation's infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slongs's national animal is the squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Bellringing.

Slongs is ranked 16,057^th in the world and 502^nd in The East Pacific for Most Politically Apathetic Citizens, with 55.69 Whatever.