The Church of Slongs is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by The great Dong with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, free-roaming dinosaurs, and stringent health and safety legislation. The hard-nosed population of 8.451 billion Slongsians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The enormous government juggles the competing demands of Healthcare, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Kongo. The average income tax rate is 71.1%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Slongsian economy, worth 727 trillion marks a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Information Technology, and Cheese Exports. Black market activity is notable. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 86,078 marks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Blind dates tend to result in bruised shins, mothers are routinely abandoning their children in the name of women's rights, eight-year-olds can be seen lighting up in public areas, and the government regularly reassures citizens that there are no monsters under their beds. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Slongs's national animal is the squirrel, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Bellringing.

Slongs is ranked 44,175^th in the world and 1,222^nd in The East Pacific for Healthiest Citizens, with 6.08 bananas ingested per day.