The Empire of Slonavia is a colossal, cultured nation, ruled by Emperor Smith with an even hand, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, pith helmet sales, and free-roaming dinosaurs. The compassionate, devout population of 6.783 billion Slonavians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The large, corrupt, liberal government juggles the competing demands of Administration, Defense, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Blackmount. The average income tax rate is 90.3%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Slonavian economy, worth a remarkable 1,007 trillion Credits a year, is quite specialized and led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology, Arms Manufacturing, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 148,465 Credits, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Photographers can be found hiding behind the curtains in Emperor Smith's bedroom, the best way to be heard in politics is to speak softly and carry a big comedy prop, whipping posts and lashes have been transferred to the Historical Museum of Slonavian Embarrassments, and the standardised national curriculum requires that all-male classes be taught why they have periods. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown. Slonavia's national animal is the Hawk, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is The Blood God Church.

Slonavia is ranked 305,636^th in the world and 132^nd in The Glorious Nations of Iwaku for Most Primitive, scoring -377.86 on the Scary Big Number Scale.