The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 86 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Noah with an even hand, and remarkable for its museums and concert halls, parental licensing program, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 8.374 billion Second Best Puppet 86ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Administration, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 92.0%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 86ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,664 trillion cards a year, is fairly diversified and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Retail, Information Technology, Woodchip Exports, and Book Publishing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 198,800 cards, with the richest citizens earning 7.6 times as much as the poorest.

Lonely children write fanfiction about absent fathers, family isn't who you're born with but who you abandon in foreign countries, Second Best Puppet 86ians caught jaywalking often have their houses seized by the police, and the government is spending millions on 'trust campaigns' in an effort to win back the public's support. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 86's national animal is the legendary, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to widespread deforestation.

Second Best Puppet 86 is ranked 6,496^th in the world and 64^th in Two for Lowest Crime Rates, with 110.22 law-abiding acts per hour.