The Second Best Colony of Second Best Puppet 80 is a colossal, efficient nation, ruled by Noah with an even hand, and renowned for its barren, inhospitable landscape, pith helmet sales, and restrictive gun laws. The hard-nosed, humorless, devout population of 8.364 billion Second Best Puppet 80ians are highly moralistic and fiercely conservative, in the sense that they tend to believe most things should be outlawed. People who have good jobs and work quietly at them are lauded; others are viewed with suspicion.

The large, corrupt, moralistic government juggles the competing demands of Law & Order, Industry, and Administration. The average income tax rate is 94.8%.

The frighteningly efficient Second Best Puppet 80ian economy, worth a remarkable 1,592 trillion cards a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Retail industry, with major contributions from Woodchip Exports, Information Technology, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is an impressive 190,358 cards, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

Teddy bear James Dean (aka "the Rebel Without the Claws") helps convince kids that candy cigarettes are cool, it is considered unpatriotic to learn a foreign language, the Second Best Puppet 80ian war navy contains an oddly large number of luxury yachts and cruise liners, and seafood restaurants assure customers 'If it lives in the sea, it's on our menu'. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Second Best Puppet 80's national animal is the legendary, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Second Best Puppet 80 is ranked 4,658^th in the world and 5^th in Two for Lowest Crime Rates, with 117.46 law-abiding acts per hour.