The Allied States of Schwertland is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Hammer with a fair hand, and notable for its national health service, keen interest in outer space, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 23.312 billion Schwertlandians enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The tiny, corrupt government prioritizes Education, although Industry, Healthcare, and Administration are also considered important, while Spirituality and Defense receive no funds. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schwertburg. The average income tax rate is 7.3%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The frighteningly efficient Schwertlandian economy, worth a remarkable 8,275 trillion Pfennigs a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is extensive. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an amazing 354,972 Pfennigs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

People stand their fridges back-to-front to benefit from the free heating, the new "Bloodbath" orange tree autonomously seeks and destroys independent orchards, ride-sharing often involves some passengers sitting on the roof rack, and unwary hikers climbing the bluffs of Mount Schwertburg make great practice for foreign snipers. Crime is totally unknown. Schwertland's national animal is the Slavionik, which is also the nation's favorite main course, and its national religion is Reform Athenism.

Schwertland is ranked 314,978^th in the world and 6,294^th in the Rejected Realms for Most Patriotic, with 0.32 flags saluted per person per day.