The Allied States of Schwertland is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Hammer with a fair hand, and notable for its free-roaming dinosaurs, anti-smoking policies, and absence of drug laws. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 16.007 billion Schwertlandians enjoy extensive civil freedoms, particularly in social issues, while business tends to be more regulated.

The tiny, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Education, with Industry, Healthcare, and Administration also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense are ignored. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schwertburg. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Schwertlandian economy, worth a remarkable 5,439 trillion Pfennigs a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail and Soda Sales. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 339,830 Pfennigs, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end, Hammer's told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies, hospitals fear government fines more than terrorist ransoms, and human sacrifice to the metaphorical altar of Mammon ensures national prosperity. Crime is totally unknown. Schwertland's national animal is the Slavionik, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Schwertland is ranked 213,346^th in the world and 4,861^st in the Rejected Realms for Largest Welfare Programs, scoring -20.25 on the Safety Net Mesh Density Rating.