The Allied States of Schwertland is a gargantuan, efficient nation, ruled by Hammer with a fair hand, and notable for its complete lack of prisons, daily referendums, and rampant corporate plagiarism. The hard-nosed, hard-working, democratic, humorless population of 15.156 billion Schwertlandians hold their civil and political rights very dear, although the wealthy and those in business tend to be viewed with suspicion.

The tiny, corrupt government is primarily concerned with Education, with Industry, Healthcare, and Administration also on the agenda, while Spirituality and Defense aren't funded at all. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Schwertburg. Income tax is unheard of.

The frighteningly efficient Schwertlandian economy, worth a remarkable 5,181 trillion Pfennigs a year, is broadly diversified and led by the Information Technology industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Soda Sales, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is frequent. Average income is an amazing 341,903 Pfennigs, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.0 times as much as the poorest.

75% of the words in government-funded "Super Fun Maths Games" are probably inaccurate, citizens are exhausted from weekly general elections, exceptionally healthy police officers can sprint after crooks for hours on end, and Hammer's told that love often manifests itself through homicidal four-lettered litanies. Crime is totally unknown. Schwertland's national animal is the Slavionik, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Schwertland is ranked 44,251^st in the world and 887^th in the Rejected Realms for Highest Drug Use, scoring 94.2 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.