by Max Barry

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Most Primitive: 128thMost Ignorant Citizens: 407thMost Devout: 686th
The Kingdom of
Iron Fist Consumerists
Old is better
Influence
Sprat
Civil Rights
Few
Economy
Frightening
Political Freedom
Unheard Of

Overview Policies People Government Economy Rank Trend Cards

Primitive Zimbabwe

Population9.011 billion

Currencydollar
Animaleagle

The Kingdom of Primitive Zimbabwe is a colossal, cultured nation, notable for its ban on automobiles, zero percent divorce rate, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 9.011 billion Primitive Zimbabweans are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The large, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Spirituality, Defense, and Industry. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 68.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Primitive Zimbabwean economy, worth a remarkable 1,235 trillion dollars a year, is quite specialized and mostly comprised of black market activity, especially in Arms Manufacturing, Basket Weaving, Furniture Restoration, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Average income is an impressive 137,089 dollars, but there is a significant disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 509,517 per year while the poor average 25,917, a ratio of 19.7 to 1.

Every day at 4am Primitive Zimbabweans wake to pray for the sun to rise, the new intercity submarine SSN Eagle Warrior instills terror in claustrophobic travellers, it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven, and nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force. Primitive Zimbabwe's national animal is the eagle, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Primitive Zimbabwe is ranked 341,703rd in the world and 4,847th in the Rejected Realms for Nicest Citizens, with 0.19 average smiles per day.

Top
1%
Most Primitive: 128thMost Ignorant Citizens: 407thMost Devout: 686thHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 1,704thLargest Insurance Industry: 2,228thLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 2,579thTop
5%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 4,020thFattest Citizens: 5,470thMost Avoided: 5,508thLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 5,753rdLargest Black Market: 6,795thMost Corrupt Governments: 7,254thHighest Wealthy Incomes: 9,580thMost Subsidized Industry: 9,766thMost Patriotic: 11,768thMost Advanced Public Transport: 15,639thMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 15,685thTop
10%
Most Politically Apathetic Citizens: 20,140thLargest Agricultural Sector: 21,065thMost Efficient Economies: 22,781stLargest Manufacturing Sector: 23,391stLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 24,742ndHighest Economic Output: 28,133rdLargest Arms Manufacturing Sector: 30,755thHighest Average Incomes: 31,563rdMost Cultured: 31,746th
Top
1%
Most Primitive: 5th in the regionMost Ignorant Citizens: 12th in the regionMost Devout: 21st in the regionLargest Basket Weaving Sector: 46th in the regionHighest Unexpected Death Rate: 46th in the regionLargest Insurance Industry: 49th in the regionTop
5%
Most Advanced Defense Forces: 100th in the regionFattest Citizens: 102nd in the regionMost Avoided: 110th in the regionLargest Furniture Restoration Industry: 119th in the regionLargest Black Market: 126th in the regionMost Corrupt Governments: 151st in the regionHighest Wealthy Incomes: 166th in the regionMost Subsidized Industry: 192nd in the regionTop
10%
Most Advanced Public Transport: 270th in the regionMost Patriotic: 316th in the regionGreatest Rich-Poor Divides: 369th in the regionMost Advanced Law Enforcement: 410th in the regionLargest Manufacturing Sector: 443rd in the regionLargest Agricultural Sector: 460th in the regionLargest Timber Woodchipping Industry: 463rd in the regionHighest Economic Output: 468th in the region

National Happenings

Most Recent Government Activity:

  • : Primitive Zimbabwe was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Advanced Public Transport.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, nighttime sightings of raccoons sporting Circle-A patches and bandanna masks are on the rise.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, it is illegal to have the wrong clock time showing on your microwave oven.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, the new intercity submarine SSN Eagle Warrior instills terror in claustrophobic travellers.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, every day at 4am Primitive Zimbabweans wake to pray for the sun to rise.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, punk rockers smash it up and then clean it up.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, most people think algebra is something a mermaid wears.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, a teen dramedy has been taken off air because the main villain is a man.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, government officials say that if you close your eyes and wish really hard the budget deficit will go away.
  • : Following new legislation in Primitive Zimbabwe, looting and pillaging are now considered vital intelligence-gathering activities.

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