The Commonwealth of Polinikia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by tuhina nui with an even hand, and remarkable for its teetotalling pirates, irreverence towards religion, and restrictive gun laws. The compassionate, humorless population of 29.023 billion Polinikians are prohibited from doing almost everything except voting, which they do timidly and conservatively.

The medium-sized, moralistic, socially-minded government juggles the competing demands of Education, Law & Order, and Environment. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alekanekapura. The average income tax rate is 34.2%, but much higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Polinikian economy, worth a remarkable 4,653 trillion tala a year, is extremely specialized and solely comprised of the Book Publishing industry. State-owned companies are common. Average income is an impressive 160,354 tala, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Calling dibs is an unalienable right, the decision to be oppressed is now made democratically, it is mandatory to learn evolution in schools, and 10-year-olds who struggle with integrating by parts are considered slow learners. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Polinikia's national animal is the bat, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies.

Polinikia is ranked 286,905^th in the world and 1^st in Kataru Kur Gal for Most Primitive, scoring -216.1 on the Scary Big Number Scale.