The Glorious Holy Empire of Phoenix Coalition is a gargantuan, safe nation, ruled by Emperor Phoenix Ember with an iron fist, and remarkable for its pith helmet sales, zero percent divorce rate, and frequent executions. The hard-nosed, cynical, devout population of 17.427 billion Phoenix Coalitionians are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich. In their personal lives, however, citizens are relatively unoppressed; it remains to be seen whether this is because the government genuinely cares about its people, or if it hasn't gotten around to stamping out civil rights yet.

The enormous, corrupt, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Education, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Phoenix. The average income tax rate is 94.9%.

The frighteningly efficient Phoenix Coalitionian economy, worth a remarkable 2,136 trillion Phoenix Sterlings a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing and Tourism. Average income is an impressive 122,590 Phoenix Sterlings, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Building a phallus out of Minecraft blocks counts as indecent exposure, souvenir shops that sell alphorns are taking advantage of gullible tourists, wars of expansion are described as "peacekeeping operations", and census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Phoenix Coalition's national animal is the Ultra Phoenix, which soars majestically through the nation's famously clear skies, and its national religion is Emperor Phoenix Ember.

Phoenix Coalition is ranked 299,970^th in the world and 350^th in The Union of Democratic States for Fattest Citizens, with 4.23 Obesity Rate.