The Commonwealth of Palenhold is a massive, genial nation, ruled by Connor Wesley with a fair hand, and remarkable for its smutty television, punitive income tax rates, and stringent health and safety legislation. The compassionate, democratic population of 3.286 billion Palenholdians are free to do what they want with their own bodies, and vote for whomever they like in elections; if they go into business, however, they are regulated to within an inch of their lives.

The enormous, liberal, socially-minded, outspoken government juggles the competing demands of Education, Healthcare, and Administration. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Luskan. The average income tax rate is 78.8%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The powerhouse Palenholdian economy, worth 264 trillion Pals a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is quite specialized, is led by the Tourism industry, with major contributions from Information Technology and Book Publishing. Average income is 80,498 Pals, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Lobster tastes best when it is red, heartfelt sentiments are mercilessly marketed by a million-Pal treacle machine, Palenholdian husbands are dead good at fathering kids, and East Lebatuckese astronauts' favorite game during downtime on the Multinational Space Station is 'I Spy'. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Palenhold's national animal is the Owlbear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Colleagues of the Holy Iron.

Palenhold is ranked 49,450^th in the world and 1,836^th in The North Pacific for Highest Drug Use, scoring 92 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.