The Protectorate of Paffnia is a gargantuan, cultured nation, ruled by Aleksandar Vekili with an even hand, and remarkable for its lack of airports, soft-spoken computers, and punitive income tax rates. The compassionate, democratic, cheerful, devout population of 22.352 billion Paffniacs enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Healthcare. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Skoptopolis. The income tax rate is 100%.

The powerhouse Paffniac economy, worth a remarkable 4,573 trillion golds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is mostly made up of the Book Publishing industry, with major contributions from Tourism. Average income is an amazing 204,597 golds, and distributed extremely evenly, with practically no difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Aleksandar Vekili's speeches are beloved by insomniacs, vaccinations are mandatory, all statues and paintings of dogs are being destroyed to avoid offending cat-lovers, and a light facial coating of soot is seen as the mark of an honest and hardworking man. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Paffnia's national animal is the llama, which is also the nation's favorite main course.

Paffnia is ranked 108,698^th in the world and 33^rd in The Embassy for Highest Drug Use, scoring 63.2 on the Pineapple Fondness Rating.