by Max Barry

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The Kingdom of
Democratic Socialists

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All issues and their worded effects *SPOILER ALERT* (from 387-current)

#387: An International Incident: Diamonds Are An Expat's Best Friend![Reploid Productions; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan
2. the nightly news reports prosaically on the government blindly throwing money at despotic kidnappers
#388: An International Incident: Napalm in the Morning [Reploid Productions; ed:Sanctaria]
1. troop transports blacken the sky as the military commences Operaion Desert Ocean
2. carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population
#389: An International Incident: Sanctions, Sanctions Everywhere![Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. toilet paper is considered a non-essential item in the embargo against Brasilistan
2. the nation's coasts have been left unprotected while the entire navy sits in Brasilistani waters
3. a new Brasilistani government has become a daily report on the main evening news
#390: An International Incident: An Unstable Situation [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the nation's armed forces are recruiting thousands to help colonise Brasilistan
2. nation-building is the new national pastime
#391: An International Incident: The Third Horseman of Brasilistan[Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the government is spending more on exports to Brasilistan than it's receiving from tariffs on the imports
2. Brasilistan has been announced as the nation's newest colony
#392: An International Incident: A Pirate Problem [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the might of the nation's air force has been deployed against people with sticks in boats
2. nations around the region are recognising Gingerbeard as the new leader of Brasilistan
#393: An International Incident: A Naval Conundrum [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the navy is playing the part of pirate hunter
2. expensive show trials reveal the harshness of the nation's justice system
3. hundreds of Brasilistani pirates are sent forcibly to Davy Jones' locker
#394: Ten Days In A Mad House [Golgothastan; ed:Luna Amore]
1. any citizen who cries is immediately assigned to a psychiatrist
2. the most common psychiatric diagnosis is to 'stop whining and grow up'
3. anyone dissenting from the state ideology is declared "mentally ill" and whisked away in a straitjacket
#395: An International Incident: Growing Pains [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the nation has abandoned Brasilistan to its fate
2. selling bombs to terrorists has become government policy
3. the nation's people have woken up to find themselves colonial masters of Brasilistan
#396: An International Incident: Is It Brie You're Looking For?[Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. soldiers are now trained how to make sandwiches properly
2. food shipments to Brasilistan have been replaced with DIY fishing rods and unintelligible instruction manuals
3. the destitute in Brasilistan forlornly wait in vain at docks for food shipments that will never arrive
#397: An International Incident: Select Your Target! [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel
2. foreign governments regularly accuse the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military of war crimes
3. @@REGION@@ holds its breath as nuclear warfare is being seriously considered
#398: An International Incident: Why Did You Do That? [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. Brasilistan's industrial base is being quickly decimated
2. the airforce has intensified its bombings of hospitals and schools in Brasilistan
3. the international community waits with bated breath as the moment of nuclear warfare comes closer
#399: An International Incident: Invasion Plan [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. the might of the nation's military are undertaking a long march to colonisation in Brasilistan
2. elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan
3. nuclear bases are readying themselves for missile deployment
#400: An International Incident: Insurgents Resurgence [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become @@LEADER@@'s new moniker
2. the armed forces have designated 'murder teams' that root out rebels in Brasilistan
3. innocent civilians in Brasilistan are evacuating the country after rumours a nuclear strike is imminent
#401: An International Incident: What's The WA Gonna Do, Anyway?[Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. 'Shoot the Villager' has become a popular pastime in the nation's armed forces
2. military chiefs pretend they're not at home when foreign governments call
3. the manufacturing and stockpiling of nuclear weapons is on the increase
#402: An International Incident: They Surrendered... Now What?[Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. captured Brasilistani POWs are staying in 5-star hotels
2. even the family pets of Brasilistani insurgents are being put down
3. soldiers in Brasilistan are reported to be AWOL as @@NAME@@ prepares to bomb the nation 
#403: An International Incident: We Done Killing Yet? [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1. anyone found to be unemployed is shipped off to Brasilistan with a gun and a spade
2. the entire nation of Brasilistan has been designated as a nuclear testing site
#404: 404 Issue Not Found [Sedgistan; ed:Sedgistan]
2. the government is overcome with ennui
#405: An International Incident: Time For A Colonyoscopy! [Sanctaria; ed:Sanctaria]
1.the nation has gained millions of new citizens overnight
2. Brasilistanis face layers of paperwork in a different language just to visit a doctor
3. "To Hell or to Marshland" is a common settler cry directed at native Brasilistanis
4. Brasilistan is being evacuated after its designation as 'Test Zone 1 - Nuclear'
#406: An International Incident: It's The Final Countdown [Sanctaria; ed:Maxtopia]
1. the nation is weighing the price of victory following a nuclear strike 
#407: An International Incident: Brasilistan Go Boom [Maxtopia; ed:Sanctaria]
#408: Pony Peril [Sedgelight Sparkle; ed:Sedgistan]
2. pony-derived products are greasing the wheels of industry
3. ponies working in the nation's salt mines have a life expectancy of weeks
4. young girls who ask their parents for a pony are routinely lobotomised
#409: Chasing the Dragon [Eremora; ed:Lenyo]
2. the state funds the recreational drug habits of every citizen
4. the national water supply has entered detox
#410: 12 Angry, Tired, and Increasingly Confused Men [Golgothastan; ed:Lenyo]
1. extraordinary tribunals try accused financial criminals
2. judges are all-powerful
3. listless juries are assembled for the simplest of court cases
#411: Outed Teacher Ousted [Roulantina; ed:Lenyo]
1. the letters L, G, and B must never be grouped together
2. discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal
3. prudishness is on the way out
#412: The Magic (Of Advertising!) School Bus [Teh Fluffles; ed:Lenyo]
1. the education system is cleansed of all corporate influence
2. billboards replace chalkboards in classrooms
#413: A Shot in the Arm [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
1. thousands of children die every day from easily curable illnesses
2. vaccines are mandatory
3. parents who refuse to vaccinate their children are given a short jail sentence
4. science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous
#414: Subpar Suburbs [Luna Amore; ed:Luna Amore]
1. town welcome signs list corporate sponsors
2. government crews work tirelessly to retake the suburbs from organized packs of raccoons
3. run-down towns are frequently sold to billionaires for their pet projects
4. towns that stop turning a profit are turned into animal sanctuaries
#415: Brain Pain On The Sports Plain [Have fun with it; ed:Lenyo]
1. student athletes gaze forlornly at abandoned @@ANIMAL@ball fields
2. concussed @@ANIMAL@@ball players cannot remember their lineup position
3. disgruntled jocks are forced to play tetris for entertainment
#416: Prophet Margins [Luna Amore; ed:Lenyo]
2. government officials go door-to-door educating about the dangers of pseudoscience
3. @@LEADER@@ is refusing to make decisions until the Moon is out of Capricorn
#417: Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte [Junkula; ed:Lenyo]
1. @@LEADER@@'s former secretary was last sighted on her new yacht
2. @@LEADER@@ claims to be the epitome of family values
3. @@LEADER@@'s mistress is the belle at many state balls
#418: That Sinking Feeling [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Lenyo]
1. the Coast Guard is pioneering a quixotic program to train fish
2. drowning sailors are hung out to dry
3. tourism spikes whenever a major ship or plane is lost at sea
#419: RED Rover, RED Rover, Send Your Money Right Over! [The United Federations of Planets; ed:Lenyo]
1. the government spends more on chasing distant comets than on basic infrastructure
2. the nation has declared war on all passing comets
3. all transmission towers have been temporarily diverted in order to establish dialogue with a comet
#420: Caught Green Handed [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
1. many politicians are serving jail time for minor drug offenses
2. Maxtopian Grass flags adorn every college dorm room
3. politicians take citizens for idiots
#421: No Child Left Behind Enemy Lines [Al-aqar; ed:Lenyo]
#422: Wounded Veterans Demand A Helping Hand [Exemplaire; ed:Golgothastan]
2. wounded veterans can only get prosthetics if they agree to become walking billboards for the arms industry
3. 90% of active duty @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@Af personnel have been laid off and replaced by robot kill-drones
#423: Returning Holy Warriors Cause Trouble [Interzone Inc; ed:Golgothastan]
1. returning tourists and businessmen are detained without trial if they belong to the "wrong" religion
2. the government is ignoring the latest terror atrocities in @@CAPITAL@@ for fear of causing a fuss
3. randomly bombing neighboring countries has become the new national sport
#424: You Just Sank My Battleship! [DWAsnia; ed:Lenyo]
1. the navy is chrome-plating its battleships to prevent rust
2. the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare
3. countless government officials are accused of espionage
4. veterans are directed into environmental cleanup operations
#425: Teach Your Farmers Well [Ouiatenon; ed:Raurosia]
1. even the nation's brussel sprouts are nutritious and delicious
2. the Farmer's Almanac is the most popular college textbook
3. bleach is the nation's most common pesticide
4. children's toy tractors have been seized as state property
#426: Women In Uniform Under Fire [Vihenia; ed:Kandarin]
#427: They Took Our Gubment! [Trippoli; ed:Sedgistan]
3. the Smalltopian embassy doubles as an electoral campaign headquarters
#428: Crop Circles Clutter CAPITAL [Human Olympus; ed:Lenyo]
2. forecasts predict rains of loose lead and mortar shells for the next six weeks
#429: No Representation Without Taxation? [Bears Armed; ed:Golgothastan]
3. factories grind to a halt every time there is an election
4. the well-off can quite literally buy extra votes
#430: Easter Egg: Please, Sir, We Want Some More Issues [Eta Carinae; ed:Luna Amore]
2. it is universally agreed that the first 31 issues are the only ones with humor and charm 
3. aspiring authors begrudgingly help proofread issue submissions 
5. common misteaks slip threw as the Issues Editing Team adds issues by the hundread
#431: Gone A Stray [Junessa; ed:Luna Amore]
4. Jack Russells have proven to be terrible spies
5. one lone government employee can be seen hunting for the elusive stray white dog
#432: Children In The Lead? [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Lenyo]
1. tabloids coo over @@LEADER@@'s expected child
2. the nation is proudly the least fertile in @@REGION@@
3. @@LEADER@@ panders to nontraditional families
#433: The Worst Storm To Hit @@NAME@@ Since...Yesterday?[Eaischpnaeieacgkque Bhcieaghpodsttditf; ed:Golgothastan]
2. electricity company executives pray nightly to Zeus and Thor
5. package deals offer tourists the chance to visit the frozen remains of the previous tour group
#434: Fraternity Furor [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
1. fraternities are notorious for drunken hooliganism
4. moonshine and organized crime are on the rise ever since alcohol was banned
#435: A Working Class Hero Is Something To Be [Golgothastan; ed:Lenyo]
1. exceptionally talented workers are praised more than Revolutionary heroes
#436: Voters, Place Your Bets! [Sierra Lyricalia; ed:Golgothastan]
1. politicians and casino owners who so much as wander into the same room are arrested on the spot
2. polling place volunteers are suddenly opening a huge number of offshore bank accounts
3. popular candidates who don't suffer last-second political scandals tend to get fished out of the @@CAPITAL@@ River
#437: Blue Screen Of Economic Death [Eaischpnaeieacgkque Bhcieaghpodsttditf; ed:Lenyo]
2. tourists avoid using the nation's bugged phones and monitored internet
#438: Judicial Review On Trial [Auralia; ed:Golgothastan]
#439: The Law Of Exodus [Nation of Quebec; ed:Golgothastan]
2. attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging
#440: Jumping The Sharknado [Sedgistan; ed:Sedgistan]
1. cinemas play art-house movies to ever-shrinking audiences as film critics rule the industry
2. tax-payers are funding ever more extravagant movie projects
3. 'Police Academy 36' and 'Sharknados On A Plane' are vying for top spot at the box-office
#441: You've Got a Friend In Bee [Outer Sparta; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. there has been a rapid increase of noise complaints over the sound of buzzing bees
2. EpiPen sales have skyrocketed
3. foreign governments are looking into weaponizing the infamous @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ bee
4. the government takes agricultural advice from a wasp-themed superhero
#442: You Can't Always Get What You Squat [Czechostan; ed:Golgothastan]
2. business owners return from long vacations to find their factories have been turned into homeless shelters
#443: Five Year Plans And New Deals [Bureaucratic Paralysis; ed:Lenyo]
1. jobs opportunities abound in the Hole Recycling industry
3. prices fluctuate manically for no fathomable reason
4. Viagra factories are being converted to producing antimalarials for Bigtopian orphans
#444: Virtually Assured Destruction [Austral Coast; ed:Lenyo]
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@'s nonchalantly sell old nukes to other countries
3. entire provinces are populated solely by nuclear missile technicians and military police
4. the nation has dismantled its entire WMD arsenal
#445: Evasive Maneuvers [Panageadom; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. corporations claim the third ounce of any metal traded in a wicker-cone on the Sunday of a full moon as a charitable expense
2. companies flee the nation rather than pay their fair share of taxes
3. corporate lawyers are joyfully combing through the new tax code for any new loopholes for their clients
#446: In The Land Of Milk And Money? [Kaztropol; ed:Gnejs]
1. late night adverts for breast milk co-ops regularly win pornography industry awards
3. breast milk lattes are the newest fad among hip urbanites
#447: Honey, We Hung The Parliament [Gnejs; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#448: It Takes A Village [Flanderosa; ed:Nation of Quebec]
2. parents who fail mandatory parenting classes risk having their children taken away
3. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Babysitters Club has proven to be a huge relief to stressed-out parents across the nation
4. the government has completely eliminated all childcare programs
#449: A Big Fracking Problem [Czechostan; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. pollution is on the rise along with government approvals of fracking projects
2. drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking
3. @@ANIMAL@@ sanctuaries have been taken over by hydraulic fracturing sites
#450: Colonial Testimonial [Sussetonia; ed:Gnejs]
1. colonial citizens are forced to sing the praise of the "Great @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Liberator"
3. citizens can't decide whether to be proud or horrified by the country's colonial history
#451: A Prosthelytizer To Burn [Sierra Lyricalia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the "fire department" is often called to remove offensive religious texts
2. the nation's new religious police burn blasphemers on bonfires of their own books
3. blasphemers and government critics often die in very unusual and unlikely accidents
4. books are so highly regarded in @@NAME@@ that libraries are often revered as holy shrines
#452: Foetal Furore [Christian Democrats; ed:Sanctaria]
#453: Parliamentary Playground [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@-SPAN viewership drops as MPs act their age
2. sleazy politicans exploit the Parliamentary Code of Conduct to purge their rivals
4. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVEINITIALS@@-SPAN features senators wrestling with ever-increasing production elements
#454: Don't Stead On Me! [Scow Creek; ed:Gnejs]
1. hordes of gardening enthusiasts are being banished from cities nationwide
2. chickens roam the streets freely
3. the rich tend their gardens inside gated urban farming communities
4. food imports have skyrocketed after the recent 'Forage for Food' program severely backfired
#455: Police On Overkill Mode? [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Lenyo]
1. veteran cops reminisce over their heavy armor days
2. the police use sound cannons and mortars to deal with loud parties
3. sections of the police receive paramilitary training
4. the nation is under martial law
#456: Heads Will Roll [Sleep; ed:Gnejs]
1. biker gangs and fashionistas are converting to Violetism en masse
2. stylish juvenile delinquents are highly overrepresented in fatal motorcycle accidents
3. motorcycle riders are required to wear so much gear they've been nicknamed "Stay Pufts"
4. hairdressers are forced to use all the tricks of the trade after citizens became required to wear helmets at all times
#457: Colossus With Feet Of Clay [Halothorne; ed:Nation of Quebec]
2. the giant 80-storey carving of @@LEADER@@ in Mount Rushless can be seen from space
#458: Bigtopian Lives Matter [Valyrian Freeholds; ed:Lenyo]
1. unpopular cops are fired at a moment's notice by the citizens they police
2. the police insist that racism does not exist
3. officer recruitment and police brutality have reached an all-time high
#459: Murder, He Shouted! [Human Olympus; ed:Gnejs]
1. major corporations receive tax breaks for no apparent reason
2. @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ facilities are being turned into @@ANIMAL@@ habitats
3. the government is spending millions on lawyers' fees trying to get @@LEADER@@ off a murder charge
4. movie references are legally admissible in court
#460: Salt Of The Earth [Gnejs; ed:Lenyo]
1. the looming peasant rebellion has been called off after farming was legalized
3. the nation's solution to the ongoing famine is to lock up anyone who mentions the famine
#461: If At First You Don't Succeed... [Psychoneurotica; ed:Sedgistan]
2. the country has been declared a hereditary monarchy
6. @@LEADER@@ has been declared supreme ruler for all eternity
#462: Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me [Neowefandland; ed:Sedgistan]
1. disadvantaged neighbourhoods have become no-go areas after sundown
2. the installation of street lights across remote goat tracks has left citizens bemused
3. astronomers are flocking to @@NAME@@ to take advantage of its clear night skies
4. the native owl population is in permanent hibernation
#463: Smart Cars Driving Regulators Up The Wall
1. self-driving cars are unpopular due to suspicion that they murder their drivers
2. self-driving cars occasionally mow down pedestrians to avoid inconveniencing passengers
3. self-driving cars obey the road rules even during emergencies
4. self-driving cars have been banned
#464: The @@ANIMAL@@ Republic Shall Rise Again?[Omigodtheykilledkenny; ed:Gnejs]
1. government buildings are being cleansed for anything that might have racist connotations
2. the country routinely whitewashes uncomfortable parts of its history
3. being impolite in public is punishable by heavy fines
4. the government has embraced apartheid
#465: Lottocracy Causing Lots Of Trouble [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Lenyo]
1. a TV celebrity dominates the nation's newest democratic political party
2. a three-year-old has been selected to run the civil service
3. votes of no confidence regularly remove unwanted MPs
#466: @@NAME@@ Is Never Ever Getting Back Together... Like Ever[Wallenburg; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the military patrols the streets in search of possible secessionists
2. political dissidents are cut off from essential services
4. the country has essentially become @@POPULATION@@ nations within a nation
#467: Saving Your Own Foreskin [Americanada; ed:Sanctaria]
1. back-alley circumcision clinics are popping up all over the nation
2. bris parties are all the rage
3. teenagers performing appendectomies on their friends has become a popular schoolyard prank
4. getting a haircut is a punishable offence
#468: Selling @@NAME@@ Down The River? [Caracasus; ed:Lenyo]
1. unemployed mercenaries drift the country looking for new careers
2. Blueriver mercenaries routinely do the army's dirty work
3. foreign governments regularly accuse the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military of war crimes
#469: Shoot To Earn [Gnejs; ed:Lenyo]
1. the newly revamped army is so eager for action that it has trouble keeping the peace
2. the nation is known as the cheapskates of @@REGION@@
3. the nation's peacekeeping efforts usually comes with a healthy dose of pillaging
#470: Tide Stops For No Man [Sedgistan; ed:Sedgistan]
#471: Easter Egg: Red Sleigh Down [Nation of Quebec; ed:Sanctaria]
#472: Rise Of The Machines [The Arlight Republic; ed:Lenyo]
1. only AI know why the nation is rapidly increasing its semiconductor stockpile
2. economic planning is exalted as a human art form
3. artificial intelligence seeking exciting work are overcome with ennui
4. the populace has a pathological fear of computers more advanced than pocket calculators
#473: A-B-C, Easy As Don't Use Me [Lenyo; ed:Lenyo]
1. the nation's image rights are the strictest in the world
2. matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold
3. children are expected to carve their own toys
#474: Mesozoic Park [Asterdan; ed:Sedgistan]
1. sexually-starved male dinosaurs terrorise tourists during weekly breakouts from Mesozoic Park
2. mathematicians are hated by children across the country
3. idyllic countryside scenes see border collies herding sixty-ton dinosaurs
4. local councils have to call in dump trucks to clear parks of dinosaur droppings
#475: Where Have All The Flowers Gone? [Palaiologos II; ed:Lenyo]
1. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ political exiles populate the near abroad
2. penal labor is a de facto death sentence
3. firing squads regularly execute dissidents
4. rotest songs are the nation's de facto anthems
#476: A Farewell To Raised Arms? [Nation of Quebec; ed:Gnejs]
1. the new iVote app allows representatives to vote on legislation by launching ill-tempered birds and matching candies
2. village elders are often called in to interpret voting outcomes in Parliament
3. bored politicians often entertain themselves with games of Simon during important votes
4. politicians are forced to vote with their party leaders
#477: Feeding Frenzy [Sleep; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. school children across the country are staging hunger strikes to protest government-mandated salads
2. children use fake IDs to purchase candy
3. meals are now followed by thirty minutes of mandatory exercise
4. heart attacks are regarded as a coming of age ritual
#478: The Show Must Go On [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Lenyo]
1. the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Arts Council pays teenagers to sit through opera performances.
2. teens are voting on which C-List pop star will be next to be evicted from the opera house
3. mournful opera fans place bouquets of roses at a 3000 capacity parking lot
#479: @@LEADER@@, Put On The Yellow Light [Australian Republic; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. tardiness has increased after carpooling was classified as a criminal offense
2. @@CAPITAL@@'s iconic yellow taxis are nowhere to be seen
3. unemployed taxi drivers ironically use self-driving cabs to reach employment offices
4. conspiracy theorists allege @@CAPITAL@@'s new subway map resembles Satanic symbols
#480: One Nation's Trash Is Another Nation's Trash [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Lenyo]
2. the government is trying to clean up all the rubbish that has washed up on the shores of Bigtopia and Marche Noire
3. barges of dissidents are being "reeducated through water therapy" in the South @@ANIMAL@@ Sea.
4. game show contestants scramble to fish trash out of the South @@ANIMAL@@ Sea
#481: Social Equality Reaching Embarrassing Levels [Czechostan; ed:Gnejs]
1. @@LEADER@@ shrugs in the face of growing inequalities
2. the universal wage level is set by dividing GDP by the number of citizens
3. @@LEADER@@'s new socialist government gets its policy advice from teenagers
4. @@LEADER@@'s new political program is often mockingly called 'Capitalism with a Bigtopian face'
#482: Whose Fault Is It Anyways? [Eaischpnaeieacgkque Bhcieaghpodsttditf; ed:Lenyo]
1. acrimonious legal battles result during divorce proceedings
3. long-wed spouses often regret proposals they made when they were twenty
#483: Do You Want Fries With That? [The rejected realms issue committee; ed:Sanctaria]
2. labour strikes are routinely squashed by police
3. all restaurants close before dinner time
#484: Patriot Or Patri-not? [Cefalonia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. school children are forced to sing the national anthem every morning
2. citizens who don't attend the nation's massive military parades tend to disappear overnight
3. political satirists and late night comedians weep as the government begins cleaning up its act
4. the nation is so apathetic that @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ can barely find the energy to bring new issues to the government
#485: Really Real eSports Tournament [Mexicaliforia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the government is a proud sponsor of the National Gaming Association
2. Super Barry Brothers is the most popular video game in the nation
3. young adults are stepping outside for the first time in ages after video games were recently banned
4. all gamers have been drafted into the military despite their lack of upper body strength
#486: An Impressing Dilemma [Araluen and Eyreland; ed:Lenyo]
4. new vat-grown soldiers are as replaceable as bullets
#487: Masks Of Shame [Ayzifa; ed:Gnejs]
1. country folk are sent to obligatory boarding schools to learn how to be civilized
2. gossip magazines have been replaced by mask catalogs
3. public shaming is the bedrock of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ society
#488: Bright Orange Is The New Black [Orvius; ed:Sleep]
2. children have lost interest in toy guns in favor of toy meth lab kits
3. games of cops and robbers typically end in at least one fatal shooting
#489: Standing At Attention [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Lenyo]
#490: The Long And Winding Halls Of @@CAPITAL@@ [Luna Amore; ed:Luna Amore]
1. auditors are gutting every governmental department
2. the government regularly publishes lengthy reports on its own excessive recordkeeping
3. groups of government workers are declared protected tribes if they venture too deep into the Capitol
#491: Friends, @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@, Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ears [Eysyssla; ed:Lenyo]
1. people who have lived their entire lives in @@NAME@@ are shocked to discover that they are not citizens
2. census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate
3. the citizenship exam requires years of study to actually pass
#492: The Artwork In The Attic [The Sociological Phenomenon of Lavendertopia; ed:Sleep]
1. Maxtopian tourists make expensive pilgrimages to Mycenae to enjoy their national art
2. rare art has become a significant factor in negotiating all foreign trade agreements
3. priceless Maxtopian artwork can often be found in executive bathrooms
#493: Suspicious Superhuman Athletes? [Outer Sparta; ed:Sleep]
1. invasive drug testing is now performed at elementary school sports days
2. the government has certified several glow-in-the-dark athletes as drug free
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ athletes are close to breaking the 2 minute mile and the 16 meter long jump
4. many @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ struggle to find outlets for their pent-up competitive juices
#494: Whipping Up A Controversy [Nuremgard; ed:Lenyo]
1. whipping posts and lashes have been transferred to the Historical Museum of @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Embarrassments
2. jaywalking is punishable by public flogging
#495: Beloved "Planet" Has Gone To The Dogs [Omigodtheykilledkenny; ed:Sleep]
1. academics are questioning the quality of the nation's newly-reprinted science textbooks
2. the government is spending billions of @@CURRENCY@@s on a fancy space probe to find a planet that may not even exist
3. the nation's leading climatologists are investigating animal flatulence in efforts to reduce methane emissions
#496: Rock 'N' Roll Suicide [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. every workday begins with group therapy
2. attempted suicide is punishable by public hanging
3. the government's suicide hotline now redirects callers to local tax lawyers
4. the government is rumored to hire body doubles whose full-time jobs are to cry at public events
#497: The Widening Gyre [Candlewhisper Archive; ed: Gnejs]
2. virtually all of the country's economic activity takes place in @@NAME@@
#498: Computer Says No [Sedgistan; ed:Sedgistan]
1. government officials frown onanything more technologically advanced than an abacus
#499: The Genetics Of Aesthetics [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Lenyo]
#500: Don't Feed The (Copyright) Trolls! [The-CID; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. Merry Birthday is a popular protest song despite the risk of fines and royalty dues
2. The constant playing of Merry Birthday on @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ radio has led to calls for the song to be classified as a crime against humanity
3. NationStates is now a popular brand of laxatives despite Max Barry's protests
#501: Munchkins In Makeup [Lavendertopia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. school plays were recently banned due to concerns of child endangerment
2. a girl's success in life is often linked to her performance in beauty pageants
3. children regularly take part in blood sports that result in extreme boo-boos
#502: Scientists Declare That @@ANIMAL@@s Are Persons [Ras sambekki; ed:Gnejs]
1. animal liberationists receive government funding to break into animal research labs
2. children often kick @@ANIMAL@@s for amusement
3. the new @@ANIMAL@@ Supremacy Party is faring well in the polls
#503: @@LEADER@@, Tear Down This Door! [The Aran Empire; ed:Lenyo]
1. @@LEADER@@'s exquisite office door is replaced monthly due to angry petitioners
2. petitioners are increasingly resorting to climbing through @@LEADER@@'s window to draw attention to their issues
3. trespassers entering @@LEADER@@'s office are immediately vaporized
4. @@DEMONYMPLURAL@@ must literally pay their respects to hear from their political representatives
5. in a baffling press conference @@LEADER@@ proudly dismantled a broken door
#504: Short Shorts Too Short? [Luger; ed:Sleep]
1. high school boys are required to pass vigorous self-mastery and sensitivity training to graduate
2. teenage girls in knee-length surfer shorts have become a cultural icon of @@NAME@@
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ schoolgirl uniforms have become alarmingly popular outside @@NAME@@
4. young girls and senior citizens alike can be spotted wearing colourful short shorts
#505: Florists Blooming Mad [Drasnia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the nation's once beautiful countryside have turned brown as farmers spray potent pesticides
2. criminals and college students are taking an interest in the government's new weed-killing program
3. visions of giant pink @@ANIMAL@@s are a common side effect after @@DEMOYMINITIALS@@ eat their meals
4. Maxtopians are both starving and giddy after the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ military unleashed its biological weapons
#506: It's Official: "I Do" Does Do It [Cazalius Lodra; ed:Lenyo]
1. every conceivable scenic location has been completely booked by couples desperate to marry
#507: Would A Rochebaron By Any Other Name Smell Just As Sweet? [The Prosperous Peoples; ed:Lenyo]
1. the lactose-intolerant are force-fed cheese products with predictably gassy results
2. the government has declared victoria over the cheese menace
3. there is an abondance of ackawi and zartschmelzend in every @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ grocery store
#508: Ex-Cons Robbed Of Future [Leninkrav; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. former arsonists can be found on local fire brigades
2. jaywalkers are condemned to lives of poverty for their heinous crimes
3. many aides in @@LEADER@@'s office are known to be serial jaywalkers
4. business owners who refuse to hire ex-cons often wake up with a @@ANIMAL@@'s head in their bed
#509: It Was Asbestos Times, It Was The Worst Of Times [Scythan; ed:Sedgistan]
1. citizens are abandoning their homes en masse in a widespread panic over asbestos
3. hammering a nail into a wall is an effective death sentence
#510: Possession, Protection Or Poppycock? [Fatumnia; ed:Gnejs]
1. tie-dye has been outlawed for being 'too occult'
2. children fear compulsory visits to their spiritual advisors more than the dentist.
3. turning eighteen is often referred to as the 'Age of Aquarius'
#511: Dogman Deconstructed [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#512: Furnished For Failure [Valrifell; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
4. personal injury lawyers are demanding compensation from the government after recent reductions in manufacturer liability
#513: Something Wickered This Way Comes [Whacoposgowro; ed:Golgothastan]
#514: A Pound Of Flesh [Singapore no2; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
2. legal contracts aren't worth the paper they're written on
3. the law is more interested in punishing crime than preventing it
#515: Little Green Men [Wagner the Great; ed:Lenyo]
4. the government refuses to transmit electricity to secessionist regions
#516: Sex Education Too Sexy, Say Parents [Gnejs; ed:Nation of Quebec]
2. sex education has become an intricate maze of stick figures and complex metaphors
#517: Gallery In Need Of A Renaissance [Cachepanora; ed:Sedgistan]
1. an exhibition on @@ANIMAL@@ memes is currently starring at the National Art Gallery
#518: Face Lift [Zongzi; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. artists from across the nation compete to renovate the restrooms of old government buildings
2. directors of low-budget sci-fi films are flocking to use @@CAPITAL@@ as a backdrop
3. the nation's government buildings are remarkable for being ugly concrete boxes
4. @@CAPITAL@@ has become the number one destination for urban exploration in @@REGION@@
#519: School's Out (Of Control) [Caracasus; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. schoolchildren learn basic numeracy by counting off their push-ups
#520: Preach With Me If You Want To Live [Raionitu; ed:Nation of Quebec]
4. the military's primary weapons are fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and a fanatical devotion to @@RELIGION@@.
#521: The Wreck Of The Edward Fitzpatrick [Drawkland; ed:Logophilia Lyricalia]
#522: Time To Get Serious [The Free Joy State; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. business meetings across the country are interrupted by the sound of squeaking whoopee-cushions
3. smiling in public is seen as criminally suspicious behaviour
4. students memorise knock-knock jokes for their mandatory twice-a-term Comedy Examinations
#524 Something Is Rotten In The State Of @@NAME@@
1. rural communities are all but disenfranchised as politicians focus all their attention on winning the deciding urban votes
2. the new coalition government has 99 problems and can't agree on how to fix one
3. decaying farm hamlets have twice the representation of major urban areas
4. excessive gerrymandering has earned @@NAME@@ the nickname 'The Democratic Dictatorship'
#525: Nowhere To Go! [Nova Sodor; ed:Sedgistan]
1. builders across @@NAME@@ are blocked up with orders for new public loos
2. a @@REGION@@ Tourist Association survey has rated @@NAME@@ #1 for number twos
3. @@DEMOYNMADJECTIVEPLURAL@@ have replaced bears in a popular idiom
#526: Any Idea Where The Law Is, Bessie? [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
3. illegal moonshine operations get taken out with laser-guided airstrikes
#527: The Body Politic [Free Equatorial Nations; ed:Lenyo]
1. an entourage of camarillas follow the royals around day and night
2. the nation's new monarch embarrasses himself during state visits
3. royalist is the most offensive slur in the @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ language
#528: Privacy Concerns Reaching New Heights [The Midwestern Atlantic Colonies; ed:Luna Amore]
1. belligerent citizens shoot at passing clouds for 'violating their airspace'
2. citizens have to dodge their neighbor's drones while getting the morning paper
3. geosynchronous satellites are now manned by unpaid interns
#529: Attack Of The Attack Ads [Czechostan; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the nation's politicians are acknowledged as the most polite in the region to the dismay of comedians everywhere
2. elections are won by the candidate who makes the best 'yo mama' jokes
3. @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ politics is literally a blood sport
#530: Regenerative Permaculture Emergence [Esternarx; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. @@CAPITAL@@'s main city thoroughfare has been blocked by a row of leyland cypresses that mysteriously appeared overnight
2. possession of tomato seeds with intent to garden is a criminal offence"
3. carrots are orange, apples are red and food waste is increasing
#531: Lèse Majesté Maladies [Nuremgard; ed:Lenyo]
1. anyone who so much as looks at Royalty without the proper amount of deference is jailed
2. the paparazzi publicize Royal scandals with the utmost delight
#532: Desert Island Risks [Hell Bovines; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. the tax agency is feared more than serial killers and terrorists
4. tourists often cite 'hiding money in an off-shore banking account' as their main reason to visit the nation
#533: Hearsay Heresy [Losthaven; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. old folks reminisce about the last time someone was acquitted of a crime
2. witnesses have to run a gauntlet of mob enforcers to testify at trials
3. the strong are acquitted and the weak are trampled in trial by a @@ANIMAL@@
#534: Too Few Cooks In The Kitchen [Drasnia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#535: NationStates Destroys @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Economy[Ballotonia; ed:Gnejs]
#536: Every Which Way Spells Disaster [The Newly Reformed Keldacia; ed:Luna Amore]
1. women who can do math in their head are burned for witchcraft
3. young and brooding teens are welcomed with open arms to the Dogwarts School of Strangness and Sorcery
4. no one believes anything until it has been strenuously tested and peer-reviewed
#537: Summary Injustice [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Lenyo]
1. jury selection begins with explaining what a jury is
2. the legal profession considers itself above the law
3. the number of judges has tripled in recent months
#538: @@LEADER@@, Let Your People Go! [The Rejected Realms Issue Committee; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. over a third of the seats in sports stadiums have been removed to make room for female-only commodes
2. public incontinence is a growing problem amongst the nation's women
4. public urination is on the increase
#539: All My Bits Are Belong To You [Hell Bovines; ed:Nation of Quebec]
2. @@LEADER@@'s new android secretary is the latest media darling
3. robosexual marriages are increasingly common
4. the nation has reverted back to an agrarian society after anything more advanced than the wheel was banned
#540: Shh! Spoilers! [Katalaysia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. spoiler warnings are now given out before political speeches
2. a recent political speech drew the ire of nerds everywhere after the speaker claimed that Darth Vader was Harry Potter's father
3. @@LEADER@@'s latest speech included a bizarre reference to MaxWow incontinence pads being 50% more absorbent than the next leading brand
4. drive-by spoilers are an increasingly common crime
#541: Spare The Whip, Spoil The Law [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Logophilia Lyricalia]
1. legislators toe the party line lest the Sergeant-at-Arms decide to conduct "truncheon practice" on the backbench
2. the legislature keeps promising "more study" of corruption allegations against the parliamentary whip system
3. party affiliation is just as irrelevant as campaign promises
4. the ruling party has a devil of a time keeping order in the ranks
5. opposition party MPs campaign shirtless to show off their numerous lash scars
#542: What A Waste [Atomic Utopia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
1. the lasting legacy of the current generation is a million years of buried radioactivity
3. nuclear physics is the most popular course at university
4. global anti-terrorist organisations strongly suspect @@NAME@@ of supplying extremist groups
#543: Flash, Aaaaaargh! [The Called; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
2. commuters often break into synchronised para-para dancing for no reason at all
3. sullen teenagers in bright orange 'community payback' onesies can be seen picking litter at the roadside
4. oddly patriotic flash mobs spontaneously sing the national anthem
#544: Object-Oriented Programming [Lubrumia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#545: Expats On The Electoral Roll? [Nuremgard; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. election results are often delayed for weeks to count the expat votes
2. vacationers and business travelers are often warned that they may lose the right to vote if they spend too much time overseas
#546: Dumpster Divers Dividing Denizens [A Humanist Science; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#547: Fantastic Beasts And How @@NAME@@ Harmed Them [Outer Sparta; ed:Nation of Quebec]
1. poaching has been on the rise after animals from the nation's zoos were released into the wild
2. whales in captivity live in little more than glorified goldfish bowls
3. the endangered saltwater humpback @@ANIMAL@@ is only seen in captivity programs
#548: Appointment Of A Science Advisor [Golgothastan; ed:Lenyo]
1. every new building project has to undergo a five-year environmental impact study before it can go ahead
3. advertisements for jobs in the sciences run in fashion magazines
4. science labs across the country languish in cobwebs as the government turns its attentions to spiritual matters
#549: Feasting Or Fasting? [The Free Joy State; ed:Lenyo]
#550: 10 Awful Crimes You Just Won't Believe! [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#551: The Big Fat @@DEMONYMADJECTIVE@@ Wedding [Cazalius Lodra; ed:Nation of Quebec]
3. @@LEADER@@'s relatives have been married into the royal families of foreign nations against their will
4. The Finance Ministry posts hourly updates on where taxpayer money is spent.
#552: Must Be A Full Moon [Australian Republic; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#553: Cede Our Seeds? [A Humanist Science; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#554: Welcome To --CENSORED-- [Nation of Quebec; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#555: It's An Honor Just To Be Nominated! [Omigodtheykilledkenny; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#556: Here Be Dragons? [Golgothastan; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#557: Take A Hike! [A Humanist Science; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#558: Turning A Blind Eye? [The Aurora Archipelago; ed:Gnejs]
#559: The Low Aspiration Nation [The New Bluestocking Homeland; ed:Lenyo]
#560: Bicameral Backlash [Christian Democrats; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#561: Plug In and Play [Katalaysia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#562: Return to Sender [Lenyo; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#563: Resistance Is Fertile [Fotila; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#564: Do Good Intentions Make Good Samaritans? [Saint Emygdius; ed:Gnejs]
#565: ‘A’ Is For Academic Doping [Golgothastan; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#566: Drive My Car [Louisadam; ed:Lenyo]
#567: Syntax Destruction [Drasnia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#568: Dismissal Denied! [Human Olympus; ed:Sedgistan]
#569: Grand Prix De @@NAME@@? [Montagna; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#570: Clerical Errors [Christian Democrats; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#571: Family Feud [Appalatchia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#572: Reading, Your Rights [Gelimor; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#573: The Road To Blackacre Ends Here? [Zwangzug; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#574: One Small Step For Private Enterprise? [New Birgland; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#575: Sick Days For Sick Waves [Australian Republic; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#576: Light At The End Of The Tunnel [Kievan Rusk; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#577: Second World Problems [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Lenyo]
#578: Support Your Local Arms Manufacturer [Golgothastan; ed:Lenyo]
#579: Real Handwriting Has Curves [The Rejected Realms Issue Committee; ed:Luna Amore]
#580: @@NAME@@ Taking Leave Of Its Census? [Zwangzug; ed:Gnejs]
#581: Fair To Say...? [Unibot III; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#582: Augmented Reality Check [Enthusiasm; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#583: Don't Be A Busk-Kill [Oisinistan; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#584: The Cake Is A Lie [Felucian Planetary republic; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#585: Are You Not Entertained? [Socialist Nordia; ed:Lenyo]
#586: School's In For Summer? [Aipotu Ruo; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#587: I, Robot, Do Solemnly Swear [Luna Amore; ed:Luna Amore]
#588: Last Call For Alcohol? [The Dalatian Republic; ed:Lenyo]
#589: To Boldly Go? [Nation of Quebec; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#590: When Trees Hug Back [Czechostan; ed:Gnejs]
#591: Bait And Switch [Lenyo; ed:Gnejs]
#592: Infamy! Infamy! They've All Got It In For Me! [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#593: A Right to Bare Arms? [Escalan Corps-Star Island; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#594: Tie Fighters [Drasnia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#595: Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? [Saint Emygdius; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#596: Primogeniture Problems [Nuremgard; ed:Lenyo]
#597: You Can't Handle The Tooth [A Humanist Science; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#598: A Violet Trojan Horse [Crazy Girl; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#599: Dead In The Water [Aculea; ed:Lenyo]
#600: Making A House A Home [The Grim Reaper; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#601: Lawyers On Trial [Tzarsgrad; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#602: Hobby Lobby [Drasnia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#603: Not My Idea [Faehig; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#604: Food Behind Bars [Barunia; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#605: The Noblest Of Intentions [The Grim Reaper; ed:Gnejs]
#606: In The Black [Gharoukannia; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#607: If Your Election Lasts Longer Than Four Weeks... [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
#608: Thrown Into Sharp Relief [Dman4835; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#609: @@CURRENCYPLURAL@@, Drugs, And Rock'n'Roll [Minglewood; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#610: Only @@LEADER@@ Could Go To Dàguó [Drasnia; ed:Lenyo]
#611: Blundering Battle Bureaucrats [Free Syllvin; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#612: A Petty Issue [Sammuramat; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#613: A Nude Day, A Nude Awakening... [Nation of Quebec; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#614: How Much Is That Vote In The Window? [Burned Lands; ed:Nation of Quebec & Logophilia Lyricalia]
#615: Tempted By The Fruit Of Another [A Humanist Science; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#616: You Are Feeling Very Very Sleepy And Not At All Gay [Golgothastan; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#617: Who's This Little Rascal? [The Aran Empire; ed:Sedgistan]
#618: The Jaws Of A Dilemma [Team Rhysha; ed:Sedgistan]
#619: X Marks The Cult? [Tykadoro; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#620: No Such Thing As A Free Lunch [Chuporosa; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#621: Blue Collar Blues [TeamNARWiC; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#622: Easter Egg: A Holiday Masquerade [The Grim Reaper; ed:Lenyo]
#623: Maison D’Être? [Adregon; ed:Gnejs]
#624: A Role To Play [Panthera Corpus Renatus; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#625: Delivering The Goods [Annihilators of Chan Island; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#626: Carbon Copied [Plutoniacht; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#627: The Bee-Ginning Of A Catastrophe? [Outer Sparta; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#628: Only @@LEADER@@ Can Prevent Forest Fires [Ransium & Tishanda; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#629: Boom Or Bust? [The Rejected Realms Issue Committee; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#630: This Green And Pleasant Land [Nova Bulgarija; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#631: The Violet Mile [Nation of Quebec; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#632: Dying For A Kiss [Palaiologos II; ed:Candlewhisper Archive]
#633: Sound Judgement [Candlewhisper Archive; ed:Nation of Quebec]
#634: Bullet Time [Rubyna; ed:Candlewshisper Archive]

The Kingdom of Outer Sparta