The People's Republic of Opressed North Continent is a colossal, orderly nation, ruled by All Opressive Leader with an iron fist, and remarkable for its parental licensing program, strictly enforced bedtime, and suspicion of poets. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, humorless, devout population of 7.358 billion Opressed North Continentians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The relatively small, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Petrusciian. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 30.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Opressed North Continentian economy, worth a remarkable 1,335 trillion Alohas a year, is broadly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Retail, Uranium Mining, and Door-to-door Insurance Sales. Black market activity is rampant. Average income is an impressive 181,560 Alohas, with the richest citizens earning 6.9 times as much as the poorest.

The new foreign policy is "why bother invading neighbours when they can be bought wholesale?", the country has been 'going shopping' by annexing nearby nations for their resources, deceased politicians' MyFace profiles are unanimously pro-incumbent, and the full title of Hon All Opressive Leader Vcte Mgve MF PSRONCLM GCONCE runs to several pages. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force. Opressed North Continent's national animal is the falcon, which teeters on the brink of extinction due to toxic air pollution, and its national religion is All Opressive Leader.

Opressed North Continent is ranked 12,944^th in the world and 1^st in Lasagna for Highest Economic Output, with 1,335 trillion Standard Monetary Units.