The Federation of Old Atlantica is a gargantuan, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Alpacapatrol with an even hand, and remarkable for its complete lack of prisons, restrictive gun laws, and devotion to social welfare. The hard-nosed population of 11.876 billion Atlanticans are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

The medium-sized, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Education, Administration, and Industry. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Alpacaville. The average income tax rate is 96.3%.

The frighteningly efficient Atlantican economy, worth a remarkable 5,903 trillion Rainsticks a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. However, for those in the know, there is an enormous, deeply entrenched black market in Information Technology, Tourism, Book Publishing, and Soda Sales. The private sector mostly consists of enterprising ten-year-olds selling lemonade on the sidewalk, but the government is looking at stamping this out. Average income is an amazing 497,126 Rainsticks, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Commuters are denied boarding for attempting to bring packed lunches onto trains, proper policy proposals prerequire professional peer-reviewed papers, hiding wrinkles with make-up is illegal, and crowds of flag-burning protesters tend to accidentally become crowds of burning protesters. Crime is totally unknown. Old Atlantica's national animal is the Alpaca, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Lokorism.

Old Atlantica is ranked 2,707^th in the world and 50^th in 10000 Islands for Rudest Citizens, with 191.93 Insults Per Minute.